Library

Oh, how I love the library. Did you know that you can go online and check out books and have them sent to just one library instead of going to three different ones? You can use the computer as long as you would like if you don't have more than a $5 charge on your account? I owe $3.20 so I am good to go. I am loving this summer and how I have read 18 books that count toward winning the bag that they have offered for the adult reading program. I really have read 2 more books than that, but they didn't fit under any of the other categories. I am no longer on the easy part of the books b/c the topics that I have left are kind of hard in getting. I stopped by Hickory Flat to get four more books today. Three will go under a topic, which will make me have even one more chance to win the prize. The books that I have read really have been great. I should have written all of them down b/c once you get more than 15, it's hard to remember all that you have read. The authors and titles kind of flow together at once. They have a poster up at my main library which is Hickory Flat and they tape up the papers that you turn in telling the title, author, and if you liked the book. I am thinking of asking them if I can have all of my papers when the summer is over.

Day 78 Get A Reality Check

Well, my Proverbs 31 study is coming to an end. I will be honest that I skimmed/skipped over the weeks on husbands and children. Not b/c of bitterness/jealousy, but I just didn't get a lot of out of it. Maybe at the bottom of me, I was like, This has nothing to do with me and I know that my Bitter Bettyness would go up a million times if I continue to read through it. I once did a HUGE Proverbs 31 study with the older women of my church. We met at a wonderful older woman's house once a week. I think that there was 7-8 "younger" women and we were given "helpers" and assigned one older woman to be a mentor to us. I got a wonderful woman that I had already been getting to know while working with the older girls in the church. I remember that we would learn one lesson on being a lady, (napkin folding, etc), we would have a cooking lesson and then after we ate, we went through the bible study of the Proverbs 31 woman. I remember that at that time I was still bitter over being single and did not want to think or talk to people who were newly married or were about to have a baby. I remember that I just happen to not come when the weeks were Husbands and Children. Over the years I also did a summer Proverbs 31 Bible Study with friends from high school. At that time I was no longer that bitter and was excited to learn about what the Proverbs 31 woman had to say on both of the matters. The study was Woman of Joy by Sue Ferguson. You can check out that Bible Study at www.womanofjoy.com. Sue Ferguson attends my friends church and we were able to go over to her house for the day and talk about the Bible Study.
So, the Proverbs 31 woman has come into my life at different times. I think I love her b/c she would totally be my friend! Or at least I would want to hang out with this wonderful woman who takes care of herself, loves God, and helps her family and friends.
So, I only have three more weeks of work to do on the Bible Study and then I am finished.

Cologne

Well, if you are not around a man in a while, than you forget the faint smell of after shade and cologne on a man. I was reminded twice lately. Last night Jenny and I went to see the third installment of Transformers movie. It was a midnight showing and we got there a little before eleven. We waited and b.c it was almost sold out, we had to sit by other people. A group of friends sat by Jenny and then two guys that were friends asked if the seats next to me were taken. As the guy sat down, I could smell the aftershave. Every time he moved I could smell it.

Today I went to Lowe Lane. We had chicken nuggets and the regular kids come in. My favorite family came in and looked like they had just taken showers for the day. They had the three girls and also had two new boys with them. I think they would be cousins or just friends from the neighborhood b/c they were two new boys to come to lunch. As I put there plate down, got their milk and then also put some ketchup on their plates, I got the whiff of cologne. It made me smile and it took me something not to say anything. Okay, I did say that "You guys smell good!" The boys looked at each other and when I walked away I thought that they were happy and not thinking, "What other times you think I stink?" It was a good day today at Lowe Lane. My friend Megan just got back from Hungary on a mission trip so it was nice to hear some of the things that went on. I was also able to tell you what things had gone on at Lowe Lane as the room had been filled with colored pictures on the walls. I am very grateful that God has given me this outlet this year. I have my books but also a reason to get out of the house and you know that I like to be around people and help. I was telling Patty that I would be going back to work in August so my last days of helping her would be at the end of July. The children start back to school after August 12, so the program would be going on until then. I hope that the children have enjoyed us being there as much as I have.

The Sunflower

We went to Callaway Gardens for two nights and three days this past week. Mom, Jenny, and I traveled two and a half hours for just a small getaway. My mom was wonderful and found a nice room for us to be in. We also were able to do the TreeTop Adventure, go to the beach, and just be able to drive around and take pretty pictures. You know that I am working on the library books and trying to read as many as I can to have a greater chance to win the prize. I worked on and finished Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyers. It's the last in the Twilight Series and since they have made the last movies, I wanted to re-read and be ready for when it comes out. I then started to read a book that Jenny read in like one afternoon and said many times before handing it to me, "You can read the book if you promise not to go live in Brazil or Guatemala." So, I began reading The Sunflower, by Richard Paul Evans. Without giving anything away, a woman named Christine (of course her name would be that) got stood up at the altar and her friend talks her into going on a mission trip to Peru. They go work on an orphanage, go deep into the jungle and of course she is met with love in the middle of book. You should really read this easy and small book. It's at your local library too! Anyway, throughout it talks about Sunflowers and Jenny took the prettiest picture of one at the Garden. I am not giving away the book by saying this, but the ending shows how God is in charge/control of every one's lives. Even when you make your own plans time and time again, He shows you the way.








This book also makes me miss Brazil and Guatemala. I was thinking the other day about the times that I felt in the presence of God. That He was there with me/us and absolutely knew it. I was in Guatemala one time. I think it was the second time there and we were staying in one of the villages. We had morning devotionals and I was glad that it had not been my turn. We usually had one of our group speak and then Herman Alb, the main guy from Medical Missions spoke on whatever that person had brought to the table. It was wonderful to see how in no way he would have known what this person from the The States would speak about and how he just went with it and spoke Truth to everyone in the room. Well, this time Hector, one of the medical doctors and all around wonderful guy decided to speak after the person had finished the devotions. He was across from me and I remember that these papers fell out of his hands when we first started to speak and then walked around the huge circle of people and began to give out a piece to everyone. I think that we were asked to say the word and maybe speak about what it meant to you. I remember my wonderful friend Cheryl Lott's piece of paper and my own. That's it. Well, first I remember that we had a long day working in a village. We had to boat across Lake Atitlan. The water was very pretty and I do not like heights, but I got on the top of the boat and sat with my friends. After a long day of sharing the gospel we got back off of the boat. We had to go up what felt like a mountain and through the small town to where we were staying. I was tired but I kept slowing going up the hill. A couple of people were able to pass by me as they caught a truck or a car to help them up. When we got back settled, the next morning or maybe even that evening we had our devotionals. That's the picture. So, Hector had said that he wanted to do his devotional that day and again, someone else usually does them. He slowly went around and gave out the pieces of paper. The pieces of paper were folded and he just handed them out. I really don't remember anyone elses but mine and my dear friend Cheryl. Side Note: It is so amazing to be able to go on a trip with people that have never been on a trip before, let alone out of the country. Well, I remember that Cheryl got Car. She said that she didn't at first know what God wanted her to do/think about Car b/c her family has one and had always had one. While she was speaking she spoke about being one of the people that was able to have a ride in a CAR up the really big hill. She had said that she had been SO tired and weak from the days work mentally and physically, that she was GRATEFUL that the Lord had given her the gift of that CAR. (I have been praying for her daughter and husband b/c they are going this summer to Guatemala, to work with the same missionaries that we were able to.
Well, I got KINDNESS. I thought like Cheryl, Whoopee Lord, you know that I am kind to everyone! As everyone was going around the circle the Lord put onto my heart what he meant by KINDNESS. That it had nothing to do with my kindness towards others, but it was in fact the KINDNESS of others onto me. That even if I was a sinner and at the time still reeling from ending my engagement and some other issues, that God was bringing me kindness. Not only that, but the fact that I deserved or was okay with receiving Kindness from other people. It showed me yet another way that God was taking care of me.

Back to Callaway Gardens this past weekend. We went but it had thundered most of the time we were there. We were unable to do anything the first day and then had to leave the Tree Top Adventures halfway through b/c it was going to storm. The last day we were there we finally were able to do a couple of things. Mom checked us out as we waited in the car. Since we had to pay extra for a package to do everything she asked about getting a refund due to not being able to do the things. She got into the car and made a joke and then started to cry when she said that the guy had taken off $97 from our bill. It was the whole package instead of just a smaller amount. Mom was crying and I finally told her, see you do so much for other people, (being KIND), you are just not used to someone else doing the same for you!

Friday

Psalm 37:4-6
Delight yourself in the Lord and He'll give you the desires of you heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Oh, how I needed that today. I didn't get straight up and get into the Word. I was early for Lowe Lane and since the library doesn't open until 1 PM, I am able to spend my time in Starbucks and with my Proverbs 31 gal again.
I highlighted this passage yesterday but didn't read through the whole day of Day 75: Host God's Servants.
Instead of just writing down another Scripture in my journal, I have allowed myself to really read it. You read the first part and I believe I have the first part of the passage on a notecard on one or both of my desks at school. Delight yourself in the Lord. Yippee!! If I read this scripture than I will get everything I have ever wanted. Wait, then read the next part. Commit you ways to the Lord; trust in Him and he will do this. What? I have to trust in the unknown of my future and not only do good things but commit my ways to Him? Easy answer is Yes! And the unknown goes under my horrible impatience and trying to control everything!
The Word says, People, trust in Him and He will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun!
My righteousness shine! To me that means that He will know the good things that I do, He'll know how hard I work, He'll know how kind I am to others, He'll know that at the base of me, I am a sinner that needs to redeemed as I try so hard to do what's right and at times I fall face first on the pavement of life.
So, if I believe in the Word and the passage, than I should keep doing what I am doing and opportunities that I have to show others who He is just by being me. And He will make me shine and what i need to have SINK in, is that I am not going to get a reward or an Ada Girl! for just doing/being what I supposed to be. What God cares me to do each day for Him.

Here's what is written in my Devotional and puts into works a prayer that I should and do have.

Lord, I delight myself in You. Thank you for giving me the desires of my heart in so many areas of my life. Holy Spirit, empower me to do everything wholeheartedly. I trust You, Lord. I trust that You will make my righteousness shine. You will make me a light in this dark world.
Amen.

A Woman like the Proverbs 31 woman

I have been working on a Proverbs 31 Bible Study. I usually do a couple of days in a row and it springs on ideas for me to write/journal about. Day 73 is to Practice Hospitality.

Romans 12:12-14
Be joyful in hope, patient in affection, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Hospitality is a time to reach out to others with love and caring. Peter instructed us to offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 1 Peter 4:9
Hospitality turns your home and property into ministry for people in the name of Jesus when you open your heart and hands to Him.

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who turns her home into a hospitality for the weary by showing hospitality is to be praised.

And so begins my talk about Lowe Lane. Oh, how I love it there. I think that God is showing me something every time I am there. Today was no difference. I was an extra b/c I didn't know if they were going to have enough people. Weds is my usual day. Since it's summer and I don't really have anything to do, Lowe Lane is really wonderful for me. It gets me out of the house and out of the small bubble that I have been accustomed to. I have noticed that our numbers have gone down and b/c it was raining, I was worried that we would not have any at all today. The bottom line is that the church/gov't. is there to give out food to people who wouldn't be able to normally get lunch. And so after making hamburgers and putting salad on a plate, the afternoon was almost over. A family of four came in, the petite mom and kids have pretty much come every day. There's what seems to be three elementary school age children and one middle school girl. The mom usually rattle away in Spanish to Patty, my friend and also the cook, while the kids eat. There's a portion control for each plate that we make. The same for a three year old to middle school girl. So, the mom rattle something off in Spanish faster than I could try to figure out a couple of words/phrases. Patty asks me if one of the kids could have another hamburger. Hey, if it really was up to me, I would ask the kids if they want seconds all of the time, pile the plates high, and feed the mothers. Since we are working with the govt we have to do things correctly with portion control and who/how we feed the children. That went out the window when i realized that it was more than likely the older childed who wanted seconds. Of course she would want more if she hadn't eaten breakfast or for the simple fact that she is a growing young girl. And so I helped Patty make anther hamburger and another one for one of the other kids. I looked at her and said, "You think okay?"She said nodded yes, and I told her, " That's why we are here, to feed the kids." I left not long after that b/c it was getting time to end lunch. The family was still chatting with Patty and eating. I hope to see them tomorrow. I will be praying for this older girl and I may even ask her what her name is tomorrow. She is old enough to know what's going on and what it means for her family to have to come and eat lunch everyday.

So, the affirmation on Day 73 represents my Heart and My Love Language.
I PRACTICE HOSPITALITY

Jeremiah 6:16

Jeremiah 6:16

This is what the Lord says, "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the GOOD WAY is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.

Oh, how I would love some rest!

Someone asked me i I was going anywhere for the summer. I said, No, which is true. It also made the question i my kind of, what am I doing with my time? Am I using this time to be with the Lord through prayer, meditation, and reading of the Word? Do I have to be sitting at Starbucks rading or can I just be doing something at home?

Lord, TEACH ME to slow down. Show me the ancients paths, the good ways to follow. I need to seek your wisdom when I am in the desert and not just when I have a problem.

An idea is to have a Scripture of the day. take time to pray in them morning and to have a Scripture to look at, think of throughout the day.

Ecclesiates 3:1-7

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak.

This is a passage that even if you don't own a Bible, than you have heard this before. Maybe been through a couple of songs. And so, what season are you in?

I have friends that are in mourning. Mourning of loving yet crushed relationships. It seems like all around me friends/family are having their second even one their fourth child. I am in my early 30's, so it makes me wonder when my time will come. Maybe I am under the time to refrain. With other issues I can see how others are in a time of being silent, yet others are in a time of speaking.
God talks about the seasons of our lives. The seasons can be 40 years to just a mere couple of days. When you are in a season, maybe in it for a while, you don't know if your in the middle of the right at the end. I think that is where I am at. I am in a season of quietness and I can't stand it. Do we ever like the season that we are in? Or am I just saying that b/c I am in one that I don't want to be in?

Lord,
Your Word says that only in losing our lives can we truly fine them. Make my arms strong for the tasks and my heart eager to obey. I trust you Lord. I am just sad that I feel at times I am just waiting to hear from You. i want to know that I know that I know You are with me. That you are taking care of me and this time is preparing the way that you have set out for me.
Amen

Proverbs 31

Proverbs: 31:26-27

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over her affairs of her household and doesn't eat the bread of idleness.

The bread of idleness. I think that's something that I really need to work on. I have been staying up all hours of the night and then I just want to take naps in the afternoon. I guess I could check off some yes' to a DSM-IV Depression or is it just summer and I am just enjoying the time off? I think that only time will tell.

Tomorrow is another lunch date with the Lowe Lane kids. I don't know who/if I have partner for tomorrow so Jenny has agreed to come along to help me. i am excited for her to see what I talk about all of the time. There was an ESL class for Mom's that went on so I am excited to see/hear how it all went!

Back to reading my 14th book of the summer!

Gluttony

What is Gluttony? Gluttony is excessive eating and drinking. What's the difference between binge eating and gluttony? Is there one? What's the difference b/tw. binge eating and just grocery shopping? Here are some examples:

Binge: Eating something from the bakery on the way home and putting the package in the garbage can before going in the house.
Other: Bringing home dessert, sharing it and putting it on a plate rather than eating from the container.

Binge: Thinking of how much money I have on hand and what I can get off of the menus at every fast food place that i pass by.
Other: It's lunch time and I am out so I can stop and eat somewhere.

Binge: Having a number of fast food bags/drinks in your car.
Other: Being lazy and not cleaning out your car for a couple of days.

Binge: Planning your day around what you will eat.
Other: Living your days and doing what you have scheduled.

Do you fit into or see yourself in any of those categories? Are you wondering if I do? At it's core, gluttony proves that we value the flesh more than the Spirit.

Food has always been my friend. Food could be gotten anywhere/with money or credit cards. When I was at any emotional level. But, what I have realized and keep realizing this that food never loves you back. Food gives you a quick instant fix and then leaves you in debt. I have been reading a lot of books this summer. I am on my 14th right now. They differ in what they are about/how they are written. I had read the Guru book and just finished a three book series on Amish people. They all lived off of the land and food wasn't on their mind all of the time. I don't know if it was/is a prestigious thing, like see, I can eat her, buy this food whenever I want. Either way, food shouldn't be a thing where it is your idol. You need food to nourish you and not to make you feel good about yours. I am writing this and telling myself also. I know that everyone has their own thing. Their idol that they pretend that it's not there, but it is ever present at times. Smoking, sex, drinking, TV, working out. Mine just has always been food.

Lord,
Please forgive me Lord. Especially for my tendency to make food an idol.
Amen

In another time,

I really don't want to talk about Cherokee Board of Education/Charter School thing. If you don't know, there is a Charter School that wants to come in. They almost have everything ready except for an okay by the board. The only thing that I don't really like is that they had planned on having 700 students and now want 300. B/c of the new 300, our budget would have to be used and they are saying that more furlough days, no step increases, and teachers losing their jobs. I have friends that are home school teachers and have friends that are assistant principals in the school destrict. I don't want to argue or debate the reasons why I think this is good/bad. I see all angles of it. There is another meeting on Friday night which I will go to with my sister and mother. I was driving and thinking of what I would say to the board if I was given the chance to say anything. I think that I would be illequiped to say my stance on the subject b/c I don't know as much as I could. I instantly remembered one family that I worked with while at DFCS. I was an ongoing caseworker which meant if I got your case, neglect or abuse had been founded. I got cases after the other workers came in and looked over your home or in such as this case, I got cases where children were taken out of the home and then I worked a case with the family to see that the children stayed with them. This case I got right after the judge gave the children back. I was told that this family of 5 kids were taken b/c of how the home looked and the mother not taking them to the doctors. Listen, this was before Hoarders and before all of the tv shows on the subject. I remember doign my job and seeing the kids at school and also going to the home to speak with the mother. The mother had taken time to clean out the rooms and had set up better beds for the children to sleep in. One room that was just used for junk was cleaned so two of the children could sleep in it. The woman was really nice and just seemed as though she didn't know any better. That's not an excuse but if you grew up in filth and no one taught you any different, than how would you know that things could/should be better for your children? So, I had been meeting with the mother and then it came time for the next court date. I remember that I had other cases on the docket and this one seemed easy b/c the mother had shown that she had been working at making things better for her children. The judge was one that I was always infront of so I wasn't as nervous b/c I felt that I had also been doing my job so why wouldn't I feel ready? Well, than it hits. The judge starts reading from the court documents on what this mother was supposed to be working on and lo and behold, nothing was worked on. I was SO mad that I was never given the correct information to work with her with and also a little embarassed that I hadn't seen the court documents to go over with the mother. She was supposed to have taken her children for check-ups and also cleaning her house which she had done, but she also needed to work with the one of the fathers of the children to get Paternity. There was a couple of other things but my mind went foggy when the judge asked me how I could say that the mother had been cooperating with the State when she hadn't done the things that were on that paper? I now felt as though I was being charged with something! The judge took leniency on us and we both we told the things that needed to be worked on. The mother was thinking that her case was going to close that day (as I did too), when she now had even more things to do. Yes, her lawyer should have kept up with her also and I could also name some other reasons that are not my fault. I have no idea why I thought of that woman and her family today but I think I was thinking about a time where I felt like I was in the wrong and infront of many different people.

It's another Monday and I have to get out of the house. If I don't leave than I will watch all of America's Next Top Model and whatever else is on. I will not be able to force myself not to get up off of the couch, "Just after one more episode." So, I am at the library. I am filling out three more papers for three more books that I have read through fast and really enjoyed. Anyone else out there read Beverly Lewis? I haven't only b/c of the covers looking like they are from the olden days, but I couldn't pass is up when I read the first book cover from Abram's Daughter. It's a series of three and once you read the first one, you just have to keep reading to find out what else the characters do/have done. It's just like the Pants book series/movie. Not the Ya Ya Sierthood, but the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants one that became a movie. I saw in my Entertainment Magazine that the other has just come out with another book abotu the character. She goes ten years in the future and you find out how the girls become women and what they do with their lives. (I have already put it on hold at the library). On another note, why have I not just gone to the library to get my books? I would have saved so much money?!?

Well, I finished a book called Breakfast with Buddha by Roland Merullo. It was an easy yet inciteful read about a man who has to go cross country when his father passes to sign paperwork on their families 200 acre land. His crazy as she seems sister sends her Guru/Buddhist man who wears the long robe and has only a small bag to work with. They have a time driving and you get to see what they see from the backseat of the car. The character is a writer/publisher for cookbooks so you also get to eat with them while he tries to share America with the Guru. As the main charater is showing America to him, the guru tries to give enlightment to the man. One thing that struck me just as another movie did, was Quiet Time with the Lord/Meditation. Really is sitting criss cross apple sauce and quieting yourself to the Lord. That is what I got out of it. Ever read Eat, Pray, Love? Or have you seen the wonderful movie that Julia Roberts is in? I have read and seen both and would like to fast forward some parts if I ever saw it again. In the movie if you have never heard about it, Julia Roberts goes from Italy eating, India praying, and then to Indonesia for Love. It is a true story of how the author found herself and also found love. She goes to Italy and it makes me remember the small passages and walkways of Antigua, Guatemala. But, she goes to Pray in India after a small affair with a guy takes her to his Guru. Then she ends up helping a Guru in Indonesia with something that he needs. I remember him asking Julia if she had been meditating of course she has found a man and has friends now, she has stopped doing her meditation. So, she sits there as she did in India and just sits. I don't know if I could just sit. Even now while typing this I am thinking of different things. What I need to clean at the house, what's for lunch, the books that I am handing in and which ones to read next. How I haven't sunk into my journaling in a while and haven't made time to be with Lord as I should have. Also, there is a young guy at the computer behind me that dropped soething with a thud. Was it on purpose? And so, can you see why it takes me a long time to go to bed at night? I took out my TV but I still have my phone to look at and bokos to read by my bedside. For the past two nights I haven't listened to my Calming Music that's on my IPOD. I have needed to recharge it so on the way out today I plugged it up to charge. I think that I listen to the women's voice and the music rather than really listening to what she has to say. B/c if I listened to what she had to say then I would be more realized. She starts from your head and goes down your back to your toes to help you become more relaxed. It worked in the begiinig and now I use it as a helper to get to sleep. Anyone with anxiety/panic attacks should have something like that to help them go to bed. Or I should say, this is a helpful tool in whcih for you to go to sleep if you have Panic Attacks. It seems as though I have typed enough on Julia Roberts, my book reading, panic attacks, and etc.

I am tired of reading books and watching movies that the girl gets the guys in the end. What happens when you are single and :

1. You don't have two guys after your heart. (Leap Year)
2. A guy wanting to be with you (Bridesmaids, Something Borrowed, any Meg Ryan chick flick movie)
3. Ruth ends up with Boaz after many years of work.
4. Job has everything taken away but in the end after time he is given more than he had before.

And so, maybe I am bitter, maybe I am tired of online dating where in fact no one e-mails me or messages back after I have made an attempt. There is no one that I know that "Has someone special" that I could meet. If so, that guys was introduced to other people in my life and not me. And so, I don't know what to do. I guess there isn't anything to do really. Give up the control of movie match making and just wait for Him to bring me my husband.

Sometimes All You Need A Cup Of Tea

This goes along with my love of tea and also my love of stitchwork. I need to get out of the house. I know that when I start back to work, I will love to be able to read my book quietly and drink some tea by myself.

Rant

Okay, I have to say something and I shouldn't give a disclaimer of I know below sounds bad, but this is just what's going on. I am not looking for help but just want to type about what's been going on. Here it goes.

My name is Christine. I am a good person and try to help out others with what ever they need. I love to give gifts (that's my love language). I am usually one of the first ones at work and one of the last ones to leave. I have a full time job plus another one. I work with children all day in two classrooms and then work the after school program until at least 5 pm but maybe sometimes till 5:45 or 6. I have debt. I know that it's my fault and my purchases that have made me have debt. I know that I won't come with a dowry for my future husband, but will come with debt into the relationship. I work so much and still have trouble paying my bills this summer. I have put in applications for a summer job and haven't been buying things and have been on a budget. It's not like I don't have food on the table or gas money, but money has been tight with paying of my bills. I honestly feel like I am doing the best that I can. I think before I purchase anything and have made lunches instead of going out to eat. I have no idea why I need to say the things that I am doing as some sort of reasoning to why: The bottom line is that just b/c I am a good person and work my butt off, sometimes you can only do what you can do. Sometimes you have to give control over to God and allow Him to fully take over in your life.

What's My Confidence?

1 Peter 3:3-5

Your BEAUTY shouldn't come from outward adornment such as braided hair/wearing gold jewelry/fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of INNER SELF, the unfading beauty of a GENTLE and QUIET Spirit, which is of great worth in God's eyes. For this is the way the Holy Women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves BEAUTIFUL.

Self-Confidence: Based on my level of trust in My own ability and resources.

God-Confidence: You trust God COMPLETELY that He has a purpose for my life and He is more than capable of seeing it fulfilled despite all evidence to the contrary.

Self-Confidence: Looks Inward

God-Confidence: Looks Upward

Purge Personal Items

Hebrews 12:1-2
Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the SIN that so easily entangles, and let us RUN with Perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.

I love all of the scriptures that have us RUNNING. Not b.c I love to run, but what running has meant to me to last couple of years. A friend of mine from the Biggest Loser Competition was new about doing a 5K at the end.l I told her that if she did get through the first mile and a half, the rest was a piece of cake. And hearing people you don't know cheer when you cross the finish. How you suddenly get a huge perk of energy at the end. And how I am nervous at the beginning and ask myself what did I get myself into during the first quarter mile of the race. And then you get into a running groove, you pass by a water station, or a really good song comes on your IPOD. And then you realize YOU CAN DO IT b/c YOU ARE DOING IT.

That's where my funk comes in. I just need the kick start of doing it, that'll get me off of the couch and to take a shower to start off my day. My job usually does it b/c I have to go to work, even with a nigh of panic attacks having plagues me.

And so I am going to make an effort to be better. To not waster my days and to grow in relationship with you Lord.

Lord,
Teach me to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit.
Amen.

In a Funk

Is it worse when you know that you are in a funk and then you don't do anything about it? Get to bed at a reasonable time. Just don't watch TV and play on the computer. Figure out cheap ways myself out of the house. And so, I do have Lowe Lane that I can get out of the house and spend the afternoon helping. I think that I have written about it before, but it's a realize that you don't have to get on a plane and go on a mission trip to help others and hear from God. I have been helping Patty put the food on the plates. It lets me feel like I am helping and it takes some work off of her. Then during the down time, I speak slowly to her in English and she speaks slowly in Spanish.

Mom gets a bunch of free things from Walmart. Especially after the holidays are over. She was given a HUGE box of different sized bubbles and chalk. I went through it last night and brought it to Lowe Lane. The other little girls opened up the small bubbles and put them in groups of colors. When the kids left, they took whichever color they wanted to. When I was leaving, I saw about 4 kids playing outside in the dirt. They also were playing with the bubbles and I could see the them blowing them.

Leaving and now it makes me think of Matthew's sermon on Sunday on Generosity. It was about tithing, but I also was touched by his words, his call to action to look at how we are generous . The thing that got me, my heart, was why we do the things we do. Why we give to others. I wondered why I liked helping at Lowe Lane so much. Was it just to talk about what I am doing, how many days I have been there, or it it about the kids? There wasn't a bunch of kids getting lunch today. Another local church has been doing a VBS outreach for the kids. We heard that they give out snacks or lunch so maybe that's why it's been so slow.

There was one young boy, maybe middle school that brought his two young brother and sister. The two year old brother had to be coaxed in and then he didn't eat his lunch. New people might have scared him. The little girls were excited to pick out what color bubbles they wanted. I wonder what tomorrow will bring there.

Proverbs 31: 20

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

Thoughts found after drinking tea at Starbucks

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Run in a way to get the prize. No, I beat my body and make it my slave. So, that after I have preached to others, I myself won't be disqualified for THE PRIZE.

Proverbs 31:17

She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

Lord, I want to run in such a way as to get the prize and that means going into STRICT training.

Holy Spirit, I need YOU to be my personal trainer. I am talking about in all ways of my life. In what I purchase, the food that I put into my mouth, my workouts, how I think of myself and others, and especially what comes out of my mouth.

And so Lord, not b/c I am bored and feel like I need to be actively ding things during the day, but as an answer to prayer that I want to become closer to YOU Lord. How I have lived the life that I have wanted and ti was sinful, gluttonous, and brought me everything I didn't want, instead of the things that I desperately wanted. And so I want to live the life that YOU have for me. The one that isn't full of wonderfulness but entails times of weeping and laying at Your feet. It would be me to give you suggestions as to my future husband, my job situation, things such as those. But, I must remind myself that you have always been there for me. Even in the times when You felt so far away and also in the times when I wish that you didn't see me sinning.

I know that this is easier b/c I am not working and day life hasn't tempted me to keep quiet. And so Lord I pray that my time with You will be a precursor for keeping up with quiet time even when I have to make time to be with You. Thank you Lord for all that you have done, are doing, and will do in my life. Amen.

Beloved,

Only when you empty yourself of all earthly attachments can you finally and most fully open yourself to MY GRACE.

Lunches on Lowe Lane

What am I doing this summer? Yes, I am reading a lot of books, going to the pool, and also working out a lot. But, the best thing I am doing is serving lunch to some kids in Roswell. Today I am allowing myself to have a lazy day. Lazy as in sleeping in till 12 and then watching tv and finishing yet another book. But, I also wanted to write about my experience on Lowe Lane. My church, Roswell Community Church, has adopted a road for the past I don't even know how long. It's Lowe Lane and it's in Roswell of course. It's a road filled with low income housing with several different units on the street. We as a church has had a small carnival and gave Thanksgiving dinner to all of the homes. We are now able through government help to give a hot lunch to the children on Lowe Lane. I went Monday and Weds to help out. Each of those days the kids were served milk, hot dogs, fruit, and vegetables. The church has paid for a unit and each day have people signed up to help with serving food. Monday a wonderful family brought a canvas and paint. On Weds I heard some of the girls asking about if an artist was coming in that day. I felt bad and wished that I had brought something for them to do.

I had a great idea that I would bring my nail polish to give the girls and Mom's a mini manicure. I think it would be nice to have someone make their hands pretty.

So, that's the gist of things but I wanted to now talk about what I think about my experience at Lowe Lane. I have been to Guatemala and have seen people's eyes light up when they are given much needed medical attention. I have fed children our left over lunches on a mountain top. I have met a little boy and girl in Brazil that are homeless and sell candy/gum to just get pennies to live on. I know which of my kids at school are on free and reduced lunch/breakfast. I have reminded my nuggets to put more food on their plate and to go to breakfast when I know that they haven't eaten in a while. I have a change purse in my desk to help with my kids lunches at school. I CAN'T STAND at the end of the year, if the children don't have enough money in their lunch account, they get a cheese sandwich and small drink. I also give them extra snack or buy graham crackers to go with the cheese sandwhich. The children shouldn't have to deal with parents forgetting to give them lunch money or if their parents don't have enough money for lunch.

And so, I went Monday and also Weds to help with lunches. They have a woman named Patty and her niece Priscilla is the cook that makes the food. The church is the ones that come in as the servers and get to talk one on one with the kids. There has been 95% Hispanics who have come to eat lunch. Mostly the mom's come with their little darlings while some kids come and eat by themselves. There are things you supposed to do and not supposed to do. Only the kids are able to get a lunch which at times I feel bad that the Mom's can't also have a hot dog. But, some kids don't eat all of their lunch and the Mom's can have what's left.

I think that the biggest eye opener is that we are feeding some of these kids the only food that they are getting in the day. All of the neighborhood goes to Mimosa Elementary School. I was told that 80-90% of the children are on free/reduced lunch. So, if the parents are having trouble with providing breakfast and dinner, why wouldn't they have a problem with the extra nourishment time of lunch? Patty, who I have loved getting to know, told me while putting beans on a plate that one of the girls came up to her and asked if we would be there the next day. The girl had said that they didn't have any food in their home. It's makes me also realize that I need to be thankful of what I have. Yes, I have debt issues, but I have a roof over my head and food on the table. I am grateful to my sister and how she has allowed me to live with her. So, when people ask me what I have been doing this summer, I can say yes, I have been working out and going to the pool, but I also have been able to help others but also really helping myself.

Philippians 4:4-9

Christine,

Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. I will say it again: Rejoice! Christine, let your gentleness be evident to ALL. Christine, the Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything. Christine, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, Christine present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.

Amen.

Baptisms

It makes you excited for these people who have a new life in Christ. It also makes you recollect your own Baptisms. Mine was after Guatemala(parasite) and my rocky fiance'ed relationship. The thing that they don't tell you is at times it'll get worse and then it'll get better. I think this past year has made me question my relationship with God in so many different ways. Not if He's real or if my relationship is fake, it's questioning Where is He? Does He not see my good work? What I am doing day to day in the classroom? Did He see me busting my butt losing weight and changing my body? Where was He when I woke up with the worst anxiety attacks and didn't want to get out of the house? And if I am being honest with myself, than where was "Atta' Girl" or Good Job in the least with my job this year?

And so today's sermon spoke to my heart, my core today and I didn't start crying until the Benediction. Gos is wit us in everything that we do. Even if He seems so silent and so distant.
Someone spoke today saying, "You can't follow Jesus if you don't let everything go." And what I am thinking about is all that I have been holding onto. All of this control in: My finances. How much a failure I feel when I can't pay my bills even though they are mostly from credit cards and it's not like I don't work, I work so much as to say that I need a cushion or a "real reason" that I have got money problems. I am grasping control over my future husband. Wherever he is and why I haven't met him yet. And how I feel the need to type that I don't have a wedding dress sitting in my closet or am rude to others when they speak about a wedding/or having a baby.

It was said today at church that God took care of Jesus and His men when they were in the wilderness. They were always clothes and fed. Even when I have felt like I have been in the wilderness, I have always had clothes, food, and a roof over my head. And so comes the what do I do while I feel like I am in the wilderness. In the past I have done the opposite of what to do. Binged ate and gain all of my weight back? Spend more money on stupid things b/c I am already in debt? Or how about carve out real time with Him like I am doing right now at Starbucks? To relish in the quiet time and to read books that bring me closer to Him? To eat what I have in my kitchen and to not eat out at all? This scripture was talked about at church today.

2 Corinthians 4:17
For this light momentarily affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of GLORY beyond all comparison.

We are crowned with GLORY. That God is with us all of the time, even if I can't see or feel Him at all. I do the things I do, I am kind so hat even if I never get those recognitions, when I pass and God is in front of me, HE will say, "Christine, Well Done. Well Done Christine."

Reading to Win a Prize??

After a wonderful afternoon talking with one of my favorite friends, Jackie, over tea, I stopped by my local library b/c I was hoping that they would have some DVD's of Joyce Meyer or Beth Moore for me to borrow. Well, they don't. But what I did see is that they are having an Adult Summer Reading Program. I can't copy and paste on this thing or I would put it on here. Just go to the Cherokee County Libraries website and it's on there. You get a paper passport and you read books. I was thinking that there would be a made list of certain books but there isn't. There's about 30 options that you can choose from. You read the book, fill out a paper on liking or disliking the book and for every three stamps you get, your name is in a drawing for a really nice backpack filled with cool things. Who doesn't love to win things? Who doesn't love to read? Who doesn't always have a book that she is reading? I got three books while I was there and then I am going to research some others to checkout. So, I will be reading some books this summer even though I would have anyway.

I was thinking that I would be able to find some other income for the summer. Not a dirty job, but one that could help me get by with money until school starts back up. Instead I will be reading and not making purchases this summer.

God is Wonderful

How wonderful God is. How He knows exactly what we need and He brings it to us through people, a song, or something I printed off of my e-mail. Here is another gentle reminder that God is there In every circumstance.

As we consider the perplexing nature of circumstances in the world, (divorce, singleness, sickness, debt), we are tempted to lose heart, perhaps to question whether God is really in control. Through so many different circumstances, God has kept trying to show me that it is Him that is really in control. Through a parasite in Guatemala, engaging with a married man, or a maxed out credit card b/c of your worthless purchases, friends not being there when you really need it, God is ever present. He will never leave me nor forsake me. It's one things to read it and then another to have to live it.

Psalm 9:1, 9,10
I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exalt in you;
I will singe praise to your name, O Most High.

The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble and those who know Your Name put their trust in you, For You, O Lord, haven't forsaken those who seek you.

Lord, at times I just want you to wrap your arms around me and to feel your presence. I pray that in the times when you are quiet or don't feel near, I will remember the times when you were carrying me.
Amen.

Thursday With Mom

Waiting sometimes I am not good at it. Patience is a virtue that I so need to help in having. Today in another of my mom's procedures. Colonoscopy which means they have to put her to sleep b/c of all of her other issues. We just had to to sedate our dog Roxie two days ago for them to see that she has a torn ACL, Arthritis, and a bad hip. And now I am sitting and waiting for my mom's procedure. (Everything went well.)

The two books and magazines to read aren't calling my name yet. I am just waiting for yet again of the reality that my mom is in essence just a person, a child of God that has to live with a disease/disorder that hurts her everyday. And this is on my first real day of summer. I printed out a couple of my daily e-maul encouragements. The one in my lap is about Anger. I am not Angry. Tired, sad, but not Angry. The paper says:

Be Ready
1 Peter 5:8
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

I think that the lion part is what always gets everyone, but the self-control is what hit me. That's really what I need to work on. Self-control in the way of:
-Words that come out of my mouth about and to others
-The food that I put into my mouth.
-What I spend my money on. Debt can make someone feel as though they are a FAILURE That's also how the devil wants you to feel. I know that everyone has debt. I know that my future husband won't be, "Oh Hold On, you owe that much? You're not for me."
The devil would love for me to crawl into bed and sleep away the summer. To spend more since I am already in debt. To eat crap and gain back all of my lost weight.

God wants me to give it all to Him. To realize that HE is really the one in control. That I am clean and as white as snow. That God has my Mom and is right beside her as she goes through her procedure today and any other ones she has to have.

Love

I love this sign. I wish I had it on a tshirt, I would work out in it all of the time. My friend Christy starts another round of Biggest Loser soon. I can admit that I am a little jealous. I miss that camaraderie of having people around me for the same purpose, to lose weight. I can say that I miss having to meet three times a week so I know that at least three times a week I get a work out in. I haven't gone to the gym in a while. I am afraid when I go back and click my tab in, I will hear a noise and a "Where have you been Christine?" Jenny and I are taking Mom to have a colonoscopy tomorrow. (It's a regular thing that Mom has to have done.) Then beginning Friday we are WORKING OUT!! I was asked today if I had a goal for this summer and I have a poundage number, but also I have a wanting to be able to get my hair cut shorter. I have always wanted a cute short pixie cut, but have such a round face, that it would not mix. But, if I were to lose some face weight, a shorter do will look mighty nice!

A Love For Movies

Can you guess what movie this picture made me think of?


It goes along with my love of books. One love of that I have is the love to read books that have been made into movies. I don't always like them b/c at times they have changed the endings and I have to look around and think, "Does anyone else here know that it didn't end correctly?"

Jenny and I love the RedBox. Who wouldn't? Well, before using the RedBox, Jenny watched Twilight and then New Moon. We just watched Eclipse from the RedBox.

Back to the picture. I saw the picture and thought of the one alike this one that Jacob gave Bella for her birthday. She wouldn't allow Edward to get her a present, but she excepted this gift from Jacob. I remembered how I had read the first book from hearing it was good from a friend. Then I ran to Walmart to buy the paperback of the second and third one to read that weekend also.

Another trilogy that is coming out in movies is The Hunger Games. If you liked Twilight, if you like a good rags to riches, or a which boy will she choose in the end kind of book, this one is for you. They are also making movies as we speak on them.

A love for Reading

Well, it is now summer. Summer enough that I just finished another book a little while ago and am now on to another one. I always have a book in my room, in the bathroom, and at least one in my purse that I am in the midst of reading. I was also given a LookBook for my last birthday and I LOVE it!! Thanks to my Aunt Aleta for a wonderful present. It already comes with free books that you can download. Mostly the books from grade school that you don't really remember reading. Anne of Green Gables, man, I loved reading her. I have always said that I would read all of Jane Austin's remarkable printings and this may be the summer that allows it. You can also go on every so often and get a other free books. I have been reading some really good ones, like the last one that I read.

I saw this picture on a blog that I love, www.kindovermatter.com It's the best! You should check it out and I just like to skim the pages and sometimes just look at the pictures. Well, here is the beginning of this Summer's Blog. Welcome.