Do I not take care of you?

My last blog entry left a desiring for a pick me up. Really I needed a good shake and yell to me about how I had been thinking/acting.

While getting ready this morning, I was looking in the mirror and reading my sticky notes. As I was doing this, I heard myself say, "Do I not take care of you?"

I have been in such a "It's not fair, Why me rut, Why not yet Lord rut", that my focus hasn't been on who it should have been. Jesus.

Even walking into church and sitting down, the first thing I wrote about was, "Don't I take care of you?" Has He not taken care of me over and over? Instantly I thought of my friend Wendy losing her job but in the same breath offered another position. I cried when she stood up in church today and spoke about Waiting. I was also struck by a family that the church prayed for this morning. A husband who had been on Active Duty has now been called up to go to Iraq for a year. I have recently started watching Army Wives with my sister. It's different when you know the family that has to be away from their husband/father for a year. We corporately prayed for them in all ways, but what struck me is when it was said that lots of things happened over the course of one ear. I was struck by, "Christine, I take care of this family, so why don't you think that I will take care of you too?"

Then I am struck by my time yesterday at Roswell Day of Hope. My friend Jackie and I couldn't get to it until 12. We were assigned the Prayer Tent and b/c we weren't trained, we were not able to be one on one with others. We were to go to the Intercessory Prayer tent or walk around and pray. We also got there in time for there to be no shirts left, so we were glad that we had on our Love Roswell shirts. That proved to be a conversation starter. But, Satan would have wanted us to feel like we weren't wanted and to just go home. It showed me that prayer is something. That just b/c it's not tangible, it is something.

And then with church this morning. We are going through the Book of Luke and we are at Luke 7:1-10. Today's sermon was on Authority. This is what I have written about in my journal. Some of us live our lives through a Religious Paradigm. "It's not fair. I am a good person. I have worked hard Lord for "it". I am leveraging my hard wok to get God's power.

What I am saying is that what I do makes me worthy or unworthy. The Realness, the Reality is that I am unworthy. I don't deserve anything, and so Lord please give me what I am asking. Please bring me power in my life through what someone else has done for me. What Jesus has done for me.

And so the sermon was just what I needed to hear today. It was a showing that God is waiting for me to come to Him. That it's not what I do or don't do. It's not like I can check off things from a list and Boom, I won't be single anymore, or Boom, my job won't be hectic. It's not anything that I do. It's what Jesus did on the cross. And to be honest that's hard because I want to be able to have this list to check off and things to do to be good enough for a husband, to be healthy, or to be right with God. But, what I am learning is that it's all in my relationship with God. Am I praying? Do I have quiet time? What books am I reading? How am I spending my time and with whom? B/c my emotions, my feelings, and outward appearance totally changes when I have spent time with God.

Since I know that the upcoming week is going to be hectic and I am going on three weeks until the Biggest loser ends, prayer and quiet time with the Lord is a must. Quiet time of prayer, sitting and listening, turning off the tv, having quality times, and lastly having real Godly conversations instead of gossiping.

Do I not take care of you?

Why wouldn't I look back and see how God had been there through my whole life and helped me when I never even saw it.

Lord, Help me to be quiet and just lean into You. To sit at your feet and to tell you my troubles, even when you know them already. I love you lord. I want to be better. I know the only way to do that is to draw closer to You. Amen.

What is going on?

Well, I am back to work after having Spring Break. Spring Break is really over and it feels like it was forever ago and it's only Weds. I gained two pounds and I am now "in a funk" this week. It's not b/c of the two pounds. I worked out so much during the week but I honestly didn't always watch what I ate this past week. I didn't drink as much water as I should have also. I think that I am in a funk from being at work, working so much on my outside, working so much on my inside that I am just tired of it all. Tired and I am hungry and don't want to work out. I am just being honest about what I am feeling at the moment.

Spring Break 2011

Workout Journal Monday: River Ridge seven times around track. 3 times up and down stadium. Pilates and then 1/2 Zumba Tuesday: Body Pump and then RPM evening River Ridge 5 times around track. 3 x's sprints Weds: River Ridge 1 mile track 3x's Sprints ALL THE WAY STADIUMS! Body Flow Thursday: RPM Friday: Body Flow Saturday and Sunday: Off Day

That Book Again That I am Reading!!!

The book I am reading just said: Much to the chagrin of my pride, I came to the end of myself and all of my own resourcefulness. That's when God showed up and revealed who was really taking care of me.

This encounter with a benevolent provider cemented in my spirit forever that God would take care of me. In the face of my own helplessness and yes, even something in spite of my poor choices and decisions, my Abba Father covered me/supplied my need accordingly.

Oh, how reading those words have led to me write about my own encounter with God. I remember thinking years after, how I was so engulfed with sin, that it took God taking me to another country, being absolutely alone, and allowing me to be sick for me to realize that CONTROL INDEED is His. I have no control on my circumstances with giving over my circumstances. God's life for me is so much greater and worthwhile than I could ever imagine for myself. I love Guatemala. I went one time for a week with my church and I fell in love with the place. The people being so welcoming and making me part of the family just as I got off of the plane. That next summer I had planned on going with the group from church and then staying an extra month and going to a language school. That first week at the language school was really fun. I lived with a woman named Elivira who spoke no English so you had to practice your Spanish with her. She made the best food and I was enjoying my one on one time learning Spanish. I had stayed with two teenage girls from my church. Even though I hated it at the time, God allowed them to be teenagers and no longer go to the language school or stay with me. I went to hang out with them one night and ordered Chinese. I know that this is what gave me the parasite b/c they ate something different and didn't get sick. I went back to Elvira's feeling funny and feeling even more alone. I didn't want to go back to school for the second day. I didn't want to eat, all I did do was throw up, lay down, go to the bathroom, and then lay back down. I ended up going to a doctor's office. The doctor spoke no English and gave me nauseous pills and something else. I honestly didn't take the anti-nauseous pills and started to feel worse. I would go down for the wonderful meal Elvira prepared, eat a little then go straight upstairs and throw it back up. I went back to the doctors by myself with my English/Spanish dictionary in my hand. This huge Guatemalan man nurse (Murse) took my blood and at the time I had nothing in my system for them to test if I had a parasite. Trying to go number 2 on a stick in a half dirty doctor's office with a huge Guatemalan man waiting to test it brought me to my knees. Blood work was fine and the other showed I did have a parasite. By this time I had been in the country for 2-3 weeks and didn't want to leave. I also didn't have enough balls to find out how to get my plane ticket changed at that time. The nights are where I had my conversations with God. No tv, just my IPOD, really pre-Ipod, Bible, journal, and books that I had been highlighting and reading. I would get the sweats, hurt, and then it began. I remember calling my friends dad that's a family doctor. I kept saying, "I can't catch my breathe. I can't breathe." I remember him telling me that had nothing to do with parasites, that it sounded like panic attacks. What were panic attacks? I remember the nights of not being able to breath and being on my knees and asking God to help me breathe in and out. That is when I realized that God is in control of EVERYTHING. My surroundings, my body, HELLO, my breathes! At that time in my life I thought that I was forgiven. That I was fine. Good job, able to go free through donations to learn Spanish, I had even been forgiven for my relationship with my ex-fiancee. At that time I had even began to forgive myself for the role in being with a man that lived in another state, would not call me for weeks, not return any e-mails, and still I wore a ring from a faulty relationship. I remember the night that I had gotten engaged and when telling my mom she said, "How can you be engaged when he is still married?" I didn't allow myself to think about how he was still married or how he was going back to California the next day. At the time, I didn't love myself to rock the boat. I didn't ask questions or talk about my wants/feelings b/c at least he said I was pretty when he did call or when he was there. He did surprise me with coming home, but I never questioned why his family didn't like me. I never questioned anything b/c then he would leave and at least I had it good for a time. (Even before posting this, as I was checking for misspellings, I can't believe that I had felt that way. I would never want a friend or family member to feel like that.) So, as I am in Guatemala, sick to my stomach, not being able to breathe thinking that I have forgiven myself for my non-role in the relationship, God took care of me. He allowed me to breath and he showed me that I in fact had no control. It was Him that has always been beside me. Even while I was sinning. I went to the language school and they helped me get my ticket changed. Through even more Godly events, I came home 35 pounds smaller, not fluent in Spanish, and one week earlier than planned. That time began my real relationship with God. The parasite was gone by the time I came back home, but my panic attacks came on stronger. With working with a wonderful therapist and learning to coping techniques, my panic attacks were able to dissolve. That was years ago and things have at times been not any better. My sister took me under her wing and ever since we have lived together. I was able to go to Brazil, where I fell in love once again with God's people and it allowed time to reconnect with Him. God still has control over everything in my life. When I am going to meet the man He has for me. When my hardwork pays off for me to be at a healthy weight when I am no longer on anxiety meds and don't have hints of panic attacks.

I am going to end this entry with a prayer:

O Lord, how far I have come since realizing that you are right beside me. You know all there is to me and love me still. How gracious you are. That I am no longer the Christine of younger years. How I would never make the same decisions that I have in the past. My worth isn't shown through someone loving or sadly even liking me. You have saved me from my own sinfulness and I am in no way the girl of my early years. You have made everything new in due time. You have washed my sins away and made me pure and white as snow. Thank you over and over.

Amen

Persevering:

Proverbs 31:21

When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

Here is a picture of everyone that was staying with Elivira at the time.

This picture was taken the night

before I left Elivira's.

TuTi lived with Elivira and

went to school in the city. Look

how skinny I looked. Skinny

only b/c I was sick.

What I don't like about this Blog

The one thing that I don't like and have not figured out how to fix is how my posts go all together. Instead of having it in paragraphs, it doesn't show up like that when I hit Publish Post. So, I know that. Bear with me please.

Starbuck's Thinking

Oh, how I shouldn't be surprised when something comes up that I've been talking about or really thinking about. Well, I'm sitting at Starbucks once again reading my latest book. The Sassy Girls Checklist for Living, Loving, and Overcoming. By: Michelle McKinney Hammond. It was dirt cheap at the bookstore and I have loved the other books of hers that I have read. Well, yesterday I had a wonderful conversation with a close friend about the last post and how what we could do to not let petty work things get us down. She reminded me of what our other new friend had been talking to us about. That we need to prepare for a storm. B/c if we aren't in the middle of one, than one is coming. Now at 11:00 AM Friday of Spring Break, I read this: Persevering Proverbs 31:21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. Your faith should be well anchored even before you need it. That's exactly where I am at. Being ready to run to Christ when the storm tries to engulf over me. That's why I need to be having quiet time in the mornings before the kids come into the room. At lunch I need to be in quietness and not give way to gossip. Lunch can be a time of diving in scripture or meditating on one thing from God. It's me taking the couple of minutes before I take on after school kids to be quiet and get myself ready for the afternoon. It's constantly reminding myself that the Lord knows exactly what I am doing throughout the day. That's just like working out and eating right. I have always been of mind, "Tomorrow I will eat right. Tomorrow I will go to workout and skip things now." What I have learned is that it has taken years for this weight to come on. In another way, many relationships. What it comes down to is that what you drink, eat, how you treat your body each day has everything to do with being healthy. The scale doesn't change instantly. What I have learned especially through my monthly measurements i that you may now see yourself losing it. Your clothes will fit looser and your inches will come off before the weight does. CeCe was talking about this not long ago. She was saying how other Weight Loss programs just focus on, "How many pounds have you lost?'' They don't take in account of your BMI, (mine has gone down), Body Fat % (gone down), and inches. (Hello! I so have lost them) CeCe also said that women will lose in their abs/stomach and then it will move down to your hips, butt, thighs, and then go out. This goes SO ALONG with when I put my hands on my hips, I can tell huge difference. My hands aren't so out and my hips are smaller. Back to my book, it says about change, God knows that change is necessary because change equals growth. God sometimes has to shake us up to get us moving.

Time again at Starbucks

Proverbs 31:20 In her hand, she hold the staff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends are hands to the needy. Let's put our hand to good work creating things/situations that bring life and joy to others, that empower other to be their best. That is what I want to be all of the time. Lifting others up instead of bringing them down by gossipping. I was talking with a wonderful friend yesterday and also I have journaled about this. Having a great time off, either Spring Break, a weekend, or a really good mental health afternoon. I do and then when I walk into work something falls upon me and I'm in the "Bitterness Zone." Have you ever been in it? Seeing something that reminds you of how hard you work while some others might not, asked to do something that you already do every single day, or another person's or child's bad morning attitude that makes you want to just go home or at times just throw in the towel. That's when I need to do what? B/C whatever I've tried hasn't been working. The devil has won in taking my joy or good attitude of the day. Even though I know that this is so wrong, my views/attitudes are mine but this still happens. This is just what I read: Decide not to empower those who affect you negatively by giving into the bad moods and wrong attitudes. I don't want to be a pessimist but what I think is, "That's easier said than done." What I need to do is not just read over it, but to remain in it and think on it. I'm brought to remember what we do others, we also do for Christ. God blesses us so we may be blessings to others. Back to the verse on the Virtuous Woman. She knew that there was a difference between the poor and the needy. The poor had physical needs while the needy had emotional and spiritual needs. My love language is physical touch. My love language that I like to give is Gifts. Usually it's a card or a verse on an index card. I like to take the time to write or to give someone tangible things to help them. Excerpt from the book I'm reading: Sometimes a touch can do more than anything we could say or give. (I know that's true) Truly being present with those who need our ears, guidance, and perhaps even our participation in their mending is what's called for. We are to mourn and weep with those who weep. As for my job, I'm not there for the money. I left a position at DFCS that was so much increased in pay. I'm there b/c so many teachers/adults in my youth helped me along when was younger. I want to help my kids in my classes and the ones I see in the around the halls see Christ in me. That's what I need to focus on when I get all bitter walking into the work.

Could you get me a size 14?

Thursday Spring Break What a week. I'm tired from working out, but not enough to stop. I did RPM tonight with friends. It's so nice to have someone you know in the class with you. (It's harder to leave in the middle or push yourself so much) when you are alone in a class. So, on the bike at RPM and in the middle of like 4 out the 7 songs we are climbing. You put the gear as far up as you can and are standing up climbing at a regular pace b/c it feels like mud. You are jogging in mud. Then all of a sudden the music somehow goes even faster and you are told to run. You somehow just start going faster than you ever thought you could. And I DID IT! I did it for 8 seconds. I pushed myself and it felt so good. When I am on the bike I keep thinking, "I'm really doing this." I asked Jenny if she liked having a healthy sister to hang out with and work out with. I remember times when I couldn't even jog, I walked the whole time while doing a mile. Now I can easily jog a whole mile straight. I remember when I couldn't leave the house, let alone my bed/the couch b/c my panic attacks were so bad b/c I couldn't breathe. Now, I'm half of my milligrams on my medicine and I have ways to help myself when I'm feeling anxious. I have meditation music to go to sleep to. I know to get away from situations and to take a walk. I know how to work with my breathing to get it back down to a good base. TODAY was another proud moment for me. A book that I would recommend to ANYONE but especially someone who struggles with weight is Jemima J. I have read it over and over. It's about to quickly say, an overweight shy girl who works off her weight. One day she goes to the store with her best friend who of course happens to be model thin. She gets her hair done and then brings herself with her baggie workout clothes to a clothing store. I like to picture her going to an Old Navy or Gap. Jemima goes in with her friend and picks out things right off of the rack. The thing is, is that her friend has to keep going back to get a smaller size b/c Jemima J hasn't truly realized how much weight she has lost. That's what happened to me TODAY. Jenny, Mom and I went to the movies. I asked them to stop at one of the best stores, DOTS, b/c they always have new things and I still had a $30 gift card from Christmas. I really wanted a new outfit for Easter. Well, I tried on a couple of large dresses and they actually fit!!! I didn't get them b/c they were spaghetti strapped and short. Not school attire. But, I did get a cute a white sweater that doesn't go all the way down my back. Here's the moment: We stopped into Walmart and I decided to try on a spring dress that I have looked at and thought, "When I lose more weight than they will fit/look good." Well, I got a size 18 and 16. 16 I thought would be too tight and I could get at another time. I tried on a 16 that was just plain purple. It was BIG! I asked Mom to just get a size 14 in a checkered colored one, thinking that it would be too tight. IT WASN'T!!!! It fit really well and it's blue checkered, which hides flaws much better than a plain purple one. So, I want to tell you how much of a big deal this SIZE 14 dress is! I have a blue jean skirt that I have worn all of the time. Are you thinking of it now? If you know me, you have seen me in it. Well, since it's been spring like out I brought more capris and this jean skirt to the front of my closet. Well, in trying this skirt on, it is too big. It just FALLS OFF and then I look at the tag. My every day wearing blue jean skirt is a SIZE 20 and now I have a SIZE 14 dress to wear! I have SO SO always wanted to be Jemima J and have a striking new hairstyle and be able to go into a store and try on any shirt, pant, or skirt that I want and not have to think, "No", b.c they don't have an XXL or even an XL. Today I was able to do something that I've wanted to for a long time and it makes me smile on the inside, just like it did when I was running on the bike and really pushing myself and working through it during those 8 seconds.

Sittin' at Starbucks

"Starting Your Day!" Proverbs 31:15 She gets up while it's still dark, she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. A Healthy Spiritual Diet - Be Quiet - Hear Jesus' voice - Recieve His instruction - Locate my needs All before the day begins That is just what I was thinking about before. How I wake up and just start the morning. I can't change what happens to me, but I can decide which emotion will come upon me when I'm in The Word and at one with God. Before you can help someone who needs it, I must be whole and grounded for myself. Jesus spent time in the Father's prescence being refreshed. Refreshed. How wonderul that sounds even though I don't know what it looks like. To be refreshed by a New Word or a touch is magical. It's just what I need, really what I need daily. But how do I keep it going or remember it if I don't instantly recieve it? Or don't have it for a while? I guess that goes along with having the Word in your heart and being able to speak truth to yourself when you are all alone. My Truth's I am wonderfully made. God knows every hair on my haead. God is all around me, even wen in times that I feels He is far away. God will never give me more than I can handle. His and my knowing/thinking of what I can take is different. He is my Father. He is my helpmate. He covers me with ashes and makes me snowy white and new. He has forgiven me and remembers no sin of my past even though at times I haven't forgiven myself. All of these things and more are what's in my mind and on my heart when times get tough.

What did you do for Spring Break Ms. Kramer?

That's me finishing a sprint.

And she's off running!!

Going back to start again!

RUNNING!!!

And we are both off sprinting!

At a good pace going around the track.

My small Rocky moment caught on film.

Going up the last set of stairs!

I am still going strong!

Coming back down only to go back up again!

Okay, remember that I don't have Biggest Loser at all this week. I am on my own until Monday night which we will weigh in then. It's Weds and I feel like I am kicking butt. Whatever, I am kicking ASS on exercise. One thing that I need to work on is my eating this week. Here's the thing that I would never think that I would type, I am not eating enough. I eat cereal and a protein bar for breakfast before either running at the high school or doing a class at the gym. Here's the thing. Once I get home, I am not hungry. But I need to eat b/c later on I will have another class at the gym. So, after I finish working on this I am going to go outside and grill me a piece of chicken and have corn with it for lunch. Back to the working out. Here is what I did with Jenny this morning.

"You can't stay in your corner of the forest, waiting for others to come to you; you have to go to them sometimes." Winnie The Pooh.

Sometimes you have to just suck it up and do it. Sometimes you don't have someone pushing you to it. Sometimes you don't have that person to rub your back or hold your hand in the movie theatre with. Sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties and do it yourself. That's what I am doing.

RPM

As I said this morning, Jenny and I have been working out everyday during Spring Break. Well, we met our friend Jamie at RPM this afternoon. Okay, some of you know about this class but bear with me. I have always seen the commercials and videos for this high intensity biking workout and thought that only "the fit" could do it. I thought that I would fall over or be asked to leave b/c I couldn't keep up. I mean, they turn the lights out and yell at you! Well, during February break my wonderful friend Kacee said that we should try out all of the classes. Which meant trying RPM. We came in and was nicely asked if we had ever taken a class and when we said No, the instructor showed us how to set up our bikes and told us all about how to work the bikes and what she would be screaming out to us. I instantly fell in love with the class. I came out soaking with sweat and did the bare minimum to get through the class.

Back to today. I had already done a Body Pump class with Jenny this morning. It was the toughest that I have ever done! I was so glad that on the way home Jenny had agreed with me and told me that it was tough for her also. I even had added more weight during the class.

Well, there are a couple of different instructors for RPM. I like them all but they all are different in different ways. Well, the one that we had would be Jillian from the Biggest Loser. Another time I saw her in the gym and told her that I loved her before and after her workouts, and hated her during it. She said that's exactly how she likes it. So, after being tired from Body Pump and taking a nap, seeing her come in was not my cup of tea. She likes to call out your name and tells the group that if they don't keep up that she would start the circuit all over again. So, we start to bike. One the second song she tells us to race for 30 seconds at a nice pace and to just close our eyes if we want to. I felt so healthy and my breathing was right on target. From a girl that has had panic attacks for the past couple of years, saying that my breathing was right on target after pounding out fast on my bike is wonderful. We were on the third or fourth track which is the worst. We put resistance on the bike and then stand up and bike. We do that and then sit back down not moving the resistance back which makes your legs feel like it's going through mud. Straight mud on the feet. At the third time I am standing up and moving, I realize how far I have come. How in the past I couldn't even jog I walked when we trained for my half marathons. I couldn't even make it up things or go really fast. And now I am breathing correctly and am moving fast on a bike. I am keeping up with the instructor as she is yelling out to go faster and to move the resistance up. She screams out that at the bottom of the gym is a huge sign that says FAILURE. She screams that as we are running up the mountain and going super fast on the bike, we need to go as fast as we can. She tells us that we need to not FAIL and do the best that we can. So, that's what I did today. I pushed myself as much as possible and finally saw what other people have been seeing in my outer presence. I was shown today that I have come far. Yes, I have about 5 more weeks until my Biggest Loser ends. I may not get to the 30 pound weight loss that I had made as a goal weeks and weeks ago. But, I can jog a mile. I can put on 20 pounds of weight while doing lunges at the gym. I can do all of these things that I wasn't able to do years ago, let alone before starting the Biggest Loser. In Body Pump today we did push ups. I couldn't even do push ups when I started Biggest Loser. I so can do some now. When I first started the Biggest Loser I wasn't able to hold myself in a plank position for a couple of seconds without needing a break. I couldn't even go from plank to push up position without getting up or putting my feet down to change positions. Well, NOW I CAN!!!!! I can SO SO SO can be in plank position and then move my arms to make a push up. My legs don't even move!!!

Spring Break Shirts

So, I think that I have said before that Jenny and I are working out like CRAZY this week. We are doing well with it being Tuesday and we have done two classes a day. We get up and do a class, come home eat and take a nap, and than go back out for another class. Since we are doing do many classes I only have one really good tank top that I feel comfortable in wearing. Well, you can't wear it a million times over a week. So, Jenny and I went to Walmart after our morning workout to get some protein bars. Well, usually I or really never can I just try on a tank top from Walmart. It happened today. I tried on these wonderful and new tank tops and they fit!! So, I will be in the gym for the rest of the week with new clothes! Woo Hoo!!

Another Weigh In and Measurement

Well, another Saturday on the scale. I don't like the scale. I have been trying to get under 200 for a couple of weeks. 202.8 then 201.3, now I have gained so I am back up to 203. But, it was also measurements so I have lost even more inches. I have lost all over my body, but the best part is that I have lost 4 inches on my abs. Below will be last months to this month's measurements. Back to the Biggest Loser Saturday. It took a while for everyone to get weighed in and measured. After everyone was, we had a big meeting. CeCe reminded us that we have off all of next week. It will be up to us to eat right and work out. We also will be weighing in next Monday night, we really have to be prepared for it. CeCe has been having a early early morning Boot Camp and some of my team mates and been taking it. It's 4:30 to 5:30 in the morning and its a strenuous workout. There is no way that I could get there, get back home, and get ready to work in time. There was a woman today that was mad/upset/whatever about not losing any weight this week b/c she has worked out every day and has been eating right. I even made the point to tell her that her body is making muscle, which has weight and that's probably what's been happening. CeCe talked for a little bit and then there was another announcement. It was said that this past month we have been talking about emotions. She said that there is a team that always helps each other in so many different ways. It was about my team, the Purple Team, b/c we had lost 300 pounds!!! Everyone got a bag with a book in it. CeCe then talked about the scale. She told us not to be looking at the numbers. We need to look at the inches, our body fat percentage, and the way that we feel. CeCe said that people are usually consumed with what the scale says. She said to EXPECT a 1-2 pound gain if we are doing the morning workout or have stepped up our exercise routine. (that's me). 4-5 pound gain is something to talk about, but if we are losing inches and our BMI's are coming down, than things are good. Which makes me say that THINGS ARE GOOD. This week while off for Spring Break will show me and others if i have it to keep going when this big thing ends. Measurements Last Month This Month Bust 42.5 41 Waist 37.5 37 Abs-Top 37 36 Abs-Bottom 44 40.5 Hips 44 44 Thighs 24 24.5 Arms 14 14 Body Fat % 38.8 38.4 BMI 33.1 32.8 From the first Measurement on January 8, 2011 I have lost 19.5 inches to date!!

Debt Not A Dowry

On the eve of yet another weigh in and measuring, I am thinking about all that I ate this week and am wondering how it will go. I keep being reminded of the scripture, The Lord will never give you more than you can take/handle. Ive seen that my pressure points or my too muchness isn't the same as God's. The Lord made me and knows me even better than I could, so why wouldn't he know the big picture and how much I can take. A friend this morning at lunch said asked if "we were in the middle of a storm." I instantly thought of my two really good friends and how they are struggling. Struggling in home life and another in the workplace. These times I don't know how to help. You can't buy a card stating what their problem is with a pick me up. Then there is me and my weight loss program and crazy times at work. My friend said that if we aren't in the middle of a storm, then one is coming. He said that we need to be ready for it before it comes. We need to be strong in our faith so that when the crazy times come, than it won't change us b/c we are strong in our knowledge of ourselves and in the Lord. So, Debt not Dowry. I hate bills. Hate is a strong word and can be used in this instant. I have had a job ever since I was 16 or 17. One time I had two jobs, working at Kroger and than going to Hollywood Video to work a night shift on the weekends. During college I once took night classes and then worked overnight stocking shelves and straightening at Kroger. Back to tonight. Well, I had to call one of my credit card companies and ask for them to lower my payments and interest b/c I have been having a hard time making the minimum payments. I was very surprised that I did not cry once while on the phone with the man. He asked regular questions like What's my monthly income, what kind of jobs do I have, what do I spend my money on. In the end it was worked out that I will be able to have a lower interest rate and lower payments. So, I come with debt into marriage when I finally meet my future husband. Many of you will say, I did also. But, at times it just makes me crazy b/c I work and then work more. This is just something I will have to give over to God. I will have to put it on the list with......that's a different conversation. So, like my friend this morning was saying about being ready for the storms that come in life, tonight I am also thinking of what I need to be thankful for. 1. A job. There are so many people out of work now. there are also so many people at my job that would jump at the opportunity to work one on one with children on a daily basis. 2. A roof over my head. I am so grateful to my sister for letting me stay with her b/c I would have no money left at the end of the month to pay rent. My last trip years ago from Guatemala, I cam back 2 weeks early b/c I had gotten sick with a parasite. During that time I also realized panic attacks were taking over my life. they had nothing to do with the parasite and since they were still coming on when I was better physically, I really needed help. I had trouble even leaving the house, let alone getting a place of my own. My sister Jenny took me in like it was nothing and ever since she has let me stay with her. 3. Friendship. I type friendship and I instantly think of my best friend Becky. That she will put me in my place in a second and will also listen to me sob on the phone. That even though we live states away, I can call her up and it's like she is down the street. My friend Jackie is an answer to prayer. My church has little to none singles there. I had been praying for a girl to come to church that was in the same season of my life, and there Jackie was. There are so many other people that I can be myself, my gross crying and throwing a fit of "It's Not Fair", and they listen and help me in their own special way. And so this post is coming to an end. I think, well I know that I needed to be reminded of these things to be grateful for but also that my worth is not in how much debt that I am in, what the scale says, or how much extra I do at my job. My worth is in God and what He has done for me since the day I was born.