It's been a while

It's been a while since I have blogged. I do have one entry that I keep changing and haven't posted yet. Today was the realization that this school year is quickly ending. I did wear my dress that has been in my closet forever and now finally fits. Just this morning I took the tags off of the Size 16 dress that I bought years ago. I even went with Mom to Target to help with bathing suit selection and tried on a size 14 pair of nice Capri pants. Yes, I got the zipper up enough to then fall when I breathed out. But, size 14 fit over my thighs and I was able to suck in, zip, and button up.

Today was Awards Day, which is why I realized the year is ending. I am a cryer you know. And got through my first Awards and then was in the middle of the second one when my eyes watered. Every year there is a Principal's Award. It was no question who was to get it in the second class. This girl is kind and sweet. "She is a friend to all".....her award began. I thought about how true that was. Keeping the special friend next to her on task, "Mrs. Gradwell said to color this blue, or you have to cut here." She always has a smile and is a friend to everyone in the class. She helps all who feel left out.

After a really tough year with work and home, and with the knowledge of me working with two new teachers next year. Next year, I pray that I am thought of in the same aspect of this Principal's Award winner. That I was a friend to all and did my work with a smile on my face. And if not, than I pray that I remember next year that it's all about the journey. From the first day till the last, what kind of person shall I be?

People have asked what I am doing this summer. I wasn't asked for summer school and haven't heard anything from applications that I have put in. I am going to be on a strict budget. I am going to work out hard everyday with my sister at the gym. I am going to read a lot. Every Weds. I am going to hand out lunches to the needy on a street that my church has decided to help. I am going to have good quiet time with God. And so I don't know when my next entry will be. I guess it will be when I decide to post something from my journal.

Lord, Thank you for this year Lord. Oh, how it's been hard. I have felt like for the longest time I have just sat at your feet crying and asking you to take hurts away. I am stronger mentally and also physically this year. I feel like I have pushed myself farther than I ever thought I could. Mentally, I feel like I have cried rivers at your feet. I also think, I know that my self-esteem has grown. Not overnight, and not without trial and error, but the way I see myself when I look in the mirror has changed dramatically. I like what I see. I am also honest with myself and I feel like I have opinions and I give them when I am asked. I have stood up for myself and have learned ways to ask for help. I really learned to be okay with asking for help. Lord, you have shown me that YOU are the one that is in control. You are in Control of:
-when I meet my husband
-how much I can physically take when working out.
-My breathe. My physical needs.
And how by being sick, being stressed, being unable to take in a real breathe, by having to stand up for myself. I have been brought to my knees over and over to realize that Lord, YOU are the one who makes my days and nights. You are in the boat with me during the storms of my life. You are at times paddling us to safety when all I want you to do is wrap YOUR arms around me and for me to physically know that YOU are indeed in the boat with me.
Thank you for this year Lord. Thank you for sitting in the boat with me. Thank you for holding my hand and allowing me to blubber cry at your feet.
Amen.


James 1:12
Christine, blessed is the woman who perseveres under trial, by when she stood the test, she will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who Love Him. And OH HOW SHE LOVE YOU.