Good Works

Why is it that I can tell others about how to get to heaven, have a relationship with God, but I don't think of to tell myself the same thing?
You don't have to do anything, you are giving yourself to the Lord. You can't dig wells in Africa, you can't help a person on the side of the road, you can't help out at Lowe Lane and automatically have a better in with God. Yes, he wants a relationship with you and Him working through you to show others Himself through the things you do and who you are. Gosh, that was a lot for one sentence. It's to say that you don't have to check off things on a list to be with Him, all you have to do is believe what Jesus did on the cross in order for you to truly live.
When I was in Guatemala, I was still a new Christian and had read the Roman Road and knew what to say to save someone b/c I had written it down and practiced it. That all goes out the window when you are sitting in front of someone to share God with and they don't even speak your language. That's when God uses you and your heart to show them what He has done in your own life. A lot of them thought, "I'm a good person, so I get into heaven." They didn't know that a silent prayer to the Lord is what it is. Okay, you pray the prayer and then like God's your Fairy Godmother and He shakes his wand and all your dreams come true! Umm......No! Ask any Christian out there, your life doesn't instantly change, but your HEART does.
Back to Guatemala, I remember sitting with the translator and thinking, "Why doesn't this person get it? Why are they going to have seen the doctor but not have really visited with the True Physician?"
I think that I am like those Guatemalans. I want to think in my head, I was nice today. I didn't buy anything and make myself more in debt. I also think of things to do so I can be closer to God. Like I put him on a calendar. I won't watch tv for a week and instead read. I'll only drink Crystal Lite and won't have anything with caffeine. And then what? I usually don't do it or last only a couple of days and then I take it out on God or hate myself even more for not doing what I put on my list.
It just so happens that the other morning I was on the couch watching TV and Joyce Meyer was one. I love her. I think that people either love her or hate her. I didn't like her at first b/c I didn't really want to hear what she had to say. She was talking about guess what? Spending time with God and not needing to have a to do list. She said that all you have to do is hold your hands out and just give it to the Lord. Shout it or just tell him that you are sorry and you would like to be forgiven. What? That's it? Why have I been feeling guilty and making myself sick when all God wants me to do is come to Him and tell Him what's really going on with my life. He already knows and has seen everything. And it goes again with my Control Issues b/c if I tell him and ask for his help than that means I can't do it on my own. That means that I haven't been doing it correctly? Right? Because however many times I have tried to do it on my own or have pushed things under the rug to deal with later, God keeps dusting and sweeping underneath there and wants me to give all of that mess to Him. Not to feel defeated but loved and taken care of by Him. And yes, he does not have a wand and things won't instantly be cleaned, but what I can do is be encouraged by the fact that He is right there with me. He is standing beside me and he's holding my hand as we face whatever it is that's next to come. Singleness forever? Debt Issues forever? Whatever they are.....He is with me and I need to not hide from him and sweep things under the rug. I need to sit at His feet and enjoy the time with Him.