Of course today would be a silly, not crazy day with the kids. Of course when I am going to the doctors for a check-up on my medicine. Yesterday a tornado flew by out house. I was in the bathroom (yes, the bathroom) and then watched out the window as two neighbor's garage cans went down in the street in the air. We are missing shingles and one other thing. We didn't have power from 3 until 11 at night. We halfway talked about driving to Mom's house. I opened my window and lay ed in the bed. I was getting a headache b/c the neighbor decided to cook out and it stunk. That with having no air/fan use, made for a almost hard time.
I have a fan at my desk. I have the air on in the car most of the time. I have a fan in my room that's blaring at wherever i am at in the room while I sleep. When I start ti get anxious, I always get hot. So, you don't know how much you become accustomed to it until it's out and there is NO wind. I lay ed with my head at the window, praying to God to bring some wind. There was a wind at times, bu I had to just keep breathing. Like, Dora, "Just keep swimming." I "just keep breathing." I remembered and told Jenny that it reminded me of Guatemala. I had a balcony that I could stand outside. I would on the nights where I was sick and couldn't fall asleep. Guatemalans have no air conditioning b/c they really don't need it. There isn't heat and a cool breeze always comes in. Not like last night when I was yearning for some breeze to blow into the window. Anxiety or any of it's ugly symptoms didn't arise at all last night. And today with my kids seeming to have forgotten all that we have taught them in not calling out, I am STILL GOOD. More than good b/c I have not look of anxiety symptoms at all. I am grateful for it. Especially b/c I have my doctor's appoint and want to talk about lowering my dosage on my anxiety meds.
Thursday afternoon:
At Starbucks typing this in and wanted to write about what happened at the doctors. It was one of those visits that she was running late and I waited longer than she had talked to me. She took my blood pressure which when I was fatter it was high and I had to take medicine. It was good and then I asked her about lowering the dose. We both said, "not to zero" at the same time. We decided on taking half lower, which is 37.5. She gave me a prescription and told me to come back in 60 days. I would know in two weeks if that dosage was good enough and to call if I needed to go back up.
I was catching up with a friend and had asked her pray for my doctor's apt. She didn't remember that I take anxiety medicine. I think it's like having alcoholism. Even if I don't drink (have panic attacks), I still have anxiety. I will always have anxiety. I have had to face that fact and I have. There are times when I have had my dosage really high and at times I didn't even take medicine. Today was my first day with my lower dosage. It went well. I am going to keep praying about it and just take life as it comes.
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