Another Day

I am tired. My kids are wearing me out. My After school kids are wonderful. I have from 5-6 Special Ed students each afternoon. It ranges from behavior problems to one that I have to help to the bathroom. They usually leave 5:30, so it's really not that bad.
The blessing from my last blog was that I have morning duty instead of afternoon car duty. I get to school early, 7 AM duty in the cafeteria. I know a lot of the students so I can chat with them, they can eat, and then go begin their days in their classrooms.
I go between sad, (I want to cry) to angry about my job situation. I am at the point that I just want to know whether to not I keep my job. We got an e-mail saying that we are to meet with the principal and a man from the county at 9 AM. I think, I really think that the man is going to say which school needs a para and I think we are going to be asked who wants to volunteer. I think that the principal is just going to have to end up choosing someone to go. I have no idea what it will be based on.....Seniority? Evaluations?
There is a reason that the Lord is testing my patience level. I didn't' think that it could reach any higher and it has.
There is this boy in my one class with white bond hair and just curls. I just thought that he was going to be a terror, but he said, "Yes Ma'am" today after being asked to stop. He so was the best listener today and was looking at me to answer his questions today.
One girl took my hand and kissed it while walking to lunch. At lunch I heard, "Miss KRAY! and then a sweet wave. I have heard Mrs. Kray, Mrs. Krane, but haven't heard Ms. Kramer yet.
At the end of this post I am going to put the best present I ever received. Last years Room Mom was the best and she took time to individually make me and my friend Danielle a video of our kids telling what they loved about us. It's so sweet. Kids can be real. If they don't like you, they don't hide it. But, if they love you, you hear shouts of Ms. Kramer like I did when taking my kids to snack in ASP. You hug the ones that come out of line to say Hello.
Here is the Scripture that I am trying to rest in. To know and believe this to be true. That my Abba knows all about me. That he takes care of me when I am tired and I don't feel like I deserve it. B/c I am tired. Tired physically and mentally. But the Lord knows what's on my mind and in my heart at all times. Even when I am too tired to go to Him about things.

Hebrews 6:10
Christine, God is not unjust, He won't forget your work and the love you have shown Him and you have helped His people and continue to help them!

Oh, how I feel like I am forgettable. That people/God doesn't see what I do, all of the good work that I do throughout the day. But, even if I fee like the Lord is silent, He is really not. That's so easy to write, but I am really feeling it to be true lately.
Here is something else that I wrote in my journal.

Sometimes God may be allowing bad things into your life to prepare you to handle GREATER blessings.
Oh, if that was true for me Lord. I would name off the blessings that I would like to receive (husband, debt gone), but I have tried to live my life the way that I have wanted, which only led to sinful behaviors.
I want a life filled with love. I don't want my life, I want the life that God has planned for me.

Oh, that you would bless me indeed, that you would expand my territory. Lead me away from anything evil.

I can hardly keep my eyes open so at 9 PM, I am going to bed. Wish me luck for tomorrow. I won't need it b/c I know that my Abba will be sitting right beside me.