Lord, I feel like a panic attack is coming on when I pray to you. Why would that be? Help me to talk to you about things that are going on and not just to cry and explode when something triggers or it gets too much. I am doing the best that I can. I don't want to talk to the debt collectors b.c then it makes it real that I am in trouble. Even as I spoke to one an they weren't mean or told me that I was a bad person.
I feel like my money problems are sinking me and i feel it throughout the whole day.
Help me to know that I can come to you without writing it down. That I can just whisper the words out and have a conversation with you. I know that you want to wrap your arms around me but I sure feel like I am a child that shouldn't/hadn't been forgiven. I don't want my days to be doing things just doing things instead of facing them,whatever they may be.
I lift up the Tinkham family. I remember Winn being a little shit and trying to get away with everything, even in fourth and fifth grade. It also shows me that I am older, okay, with the kids I had out of college at school are now in college themselves. How people have been married for years and others are having their second and third child. I am over the thoughts/the lists that I thought/believed that I had to check off before I would meet a man. Get skinny, have a cute hairstyle, manage my money. All of these I could check off in some way, but I know that there's no need. I am prefect in your sight Lord. You have forgiven and do not remember my past sins. And so why for I keep playing them over and over in my head? Help me to forgive myself, truly to and help me to stop replaying events in my head. I lift up my husband, wherever he is. I have had people question why I would pray for him and then others have revealed to me that they pray for their children's husbands.
Wherever he is lord, I lift him up to you. Comfort him and bring him people that he can converse with about you. In due time keeps ringing in my ear and I know that your time is not measured by seconds or days. It's hard Lord. It's really lonely at times. I take in account that you have made this man for me. Being in a relationship that you wouldn't deem worthy or one that any number of abusive ways wouldn't be healthy. I hold on to the fact that you love. You love me unconditionally and I haven't met my husband yet b/c I haven't or don't deserve him. I am sorry that I believed that at one time. Help me to be kind to myself b/c I really don't know how to. I second guess myself all of the time.
I love you Lord. Thank you for making me and giving me the love for other that you have. Help me this year for work. To not get bogged down with the gossip and to not take it personally when one of my coworkers don't want me to do something that I always have done.
AMEN!