My Worth and such

Well, I had to get out of the house again today. It was leaning on me not moving from the couch and either falling asleep or watching some program that I have already seen and later regretted that I hadn't used that time to do anything else. I did take a shower and clean up around the house so I felt like I had accomplished something for today. You know when your mind tries to play tricks on you or that you have so many things going on in your head you can't make them stop? That's me. I can't read my book b/c I am thinking about how I have so much more to read to finish it. I can't read my book b/c I feel like I could be doing something else in the house such as taking the magazines out of my bathroom or going through my clothes and getting to ready to have things to wear when I get back to school. So, do you understand why I would just rather lay on the couch?

So, I am at the library again and went to check my e-mail and Lord and Behold, God is always taking care of us. He is always taking care of ME. I have signed up for these daily e-mails for devotionals or pick me ups. I usually don't read them everyday but clicked on one before starting this.

The Scripture of the day was: 2 Kings 4:3
Elisha, go around to the neighbors and ask for empty jars. Don't ask for a few.

The passage is about a widow that asked for help from Elisha. He brought her the needed jars and she filled them with oil and then sold them. She was able to give money for the jars and then also have money for herself.
The woman who wrote the article talked about how she/we usually never asks for help from friends. Um..that's me. I am a helper not one that needs help. She said that god had repeatedly asked her to call to a place of greater interdependence with others. She said that God had begun to work miracles in her life when she asked others for prayer. She said that God often plans to meet her needs through someone else. That's usually what I do, being my Love Language being Acts of Service, I am ready to help anyone. And so when it comes to asking for Help, I often feel like I should be able to do it on my own. Thinking on it I know that I can tell my sister that I am having a bad day and she will know exactly what I am talking about. I have a couple of close friends that know all there is to know about me and still loves me the same. I can tell them that I know that my tiredness and anxiousness I should be dealing with before it gets worse. I can tell them that I just got paid and am nervous about seeing how much I have in the bank b/c I am afraid that I can't cover all of my bills this month. I can tell them that I feel like my Worth is shown in being able to pay my bills and even though I have a full time job plus after school to work, my summers are tough b/c I don't make enough money. Then I look at my mother and wonder how she took care of everything when we were little and how we were able to do everything like every other child and she did it. How I have friends that are dealing with a loss of a marriage and they are struggling at times with two and three kids! And how I don't look at them any different or feel that they are lesser or that God hates them or is mad at them so then why do I feel like my Worth comes from my bank account?

And so I am thanking God for giving me this e-mail today and a friend that texted me and asked me how I was doing and I could really tell her the truth.

This is the last part of the e-mail and it is so fitting so today.

Lord,
Forgive me for the times that I have kept to myself, believing that I have everything necessary to solve my problems. In doing so I might have missed Your plan for meeting my needs through others. Help me to identify pride and give it to you. Help me to have a teachable and humble Spirit.
Amen.