Today

Today was a hard day. I didn't think it was going to be but it was.

1. I went into school to get some things set up. I wanted to put my things in my desk and to make a list of what I usually do and to see if it needs to be done this year. It took only 20 minutes to put everything back in my desks and to look around and make the list of things. It was also a reality that I will be in different classes. I am excited to be working with new people, they are wonderful. Change is just change and sometimes it's hard/different.

2. The viewing. It wasn't really that much of a viewing since Winn has been cremated. They had two TV's showing pictures of him, and of course I recognized his face from when he was younger. All I could see were guys and girls that were my sisters age, going into and second year college kids. They were huddled around the TV's and they all looked so young. It was sad that at their age they had to lose one of their friends. Winn was 19 so I had him in the after school program like 10 years ago. Jenny and I at that time were also working as lunchroom monitors and I remember the group of kids he was with like yesterday. They were a silly group, okay, they were "little shits". The whole group were mostly boys that tried to push my buttons every afternoon. I was just finishing high school so I didn't have the confidence like I do now to tell the kids what's what. Even with all the silliness, I liked my job. Enough to get a degree in Psychology to help listen to kids and also coming back to the school when DFCS turned out to be too much for me. In another way, it makes me feel old. Many people would say, "You are still young. 30 is young." I was reading a really good book about a friendship that spans 40 years. The woman in the book spoke about in one chapter of there lives when she was in her late 30's, the second wave of weddings. I have friends that have been married for years and are having their 2nd children. And I haven't had a date in years. So, walking about the Funeral Home today I felt old. In some ways bad but then also I feel like the Lord was watching over me and telling me that I am where I need to be. That he is there right beside me.
And so my Mom walked around the Funeral Home and finds Winn's mom. I could hear her laughing and I finally walk over to her. I could hear Mom saying that she wanted to come and said that the other Little River Teachers are thinking of the family. Also, Mom of course was talking about Winn being "a little shit" and always in trouble. The mom laughed and when I came up, his mom gave me a hug. She said, "Winn always gave you trouble." I said yes, but I loved him. Sometimes you don't even know who knows and sees what you do.

And so I am going to turn in and try to go to bed now. It's been a day and tomorrow will be another one. One of my last days at Lowe Lane and oh how I am going to miss it.