Andy Stanley

I love my church, but I do also miss listening to Andy Stanley every week preach. I have listened to the sermon, Love, Sex, and Dating numerous times. One the fourth part, he talks about practical things to do before dating/getting married.

1. Address unresolved childhood issues.
Become a whole and healthy person

2. Get out of debt.

3. Break bad habits. Greta things get better, bad things get worse.
whole person looking for a whole person

4. Postpone physical relationship ALAP. As long as possible.
Your looking for the one, not everyone. Self-control before marriage, self control during marriage.

5. Avoid living together.

6. Be involved in church.

Wisdom to know what to do with what we have heard. Honor you with our singleness.

Tired

I am tired today. I am emotionally tired. I have told a couple of friends that it feels like it's only going to take one thing to put me over the edge. Put me over the edge and start crying. It was trying today. A couple of times it could have been that one thing, but it didn't. For the last couple of days I have just come home tired and feeling like I am going to cry. I so want to just cry and get it over with. Things aren't that bad. I should be and am thankful for things that are going on. Really nothing has been that different. The same children have had been having a hard time. The same children have been trying on my patience. I was as lonely and wanting a date as last week. I get paid this weekend so i can go and get my car fixed. I have been excited about going to Joyce Meyer this weekend then next weekend I have a really nice getaway from church. All of the women are going North to cabins and just being with each other and God. So, what is my problem? Am I just tired?

Lord,
Oh Lord, I am tired. Why do I want to cry so bad? What is it that is bothering me really? Why can't I put it into words but just want to show it with tears? Whatever it is, I GIVE it to you. You know what's going on with me and I lay it at your feet. I want your help in fixing/changing/whatever it is, I give it to you and ask you to do it. I love you Lord. Thank you for taking care of me. What would I do without you?

Amen.

Seed and Yeast

Oh how God is good. No, you don't think He has been listening to you or hears anything that you have to say, and BAM! he shows how wrong that you are. Today at church was on Luke 13:18-21. It was done by one of my favorites pastors, even if we only have three and I like them all. We are doing the whole book of Luke for about a year. Usually it is nice to know that you are going to be turning to Luke when you sit down to get ready for the sermon.
Well, today was on Seed and Yeast, Luke 13: 18-21. It's short and talks about a mustard seed. You know, one of those tiny tiny seeds that you wouldn't even see on the ground. How God is not in a hurry. God is gradual in planting the seed and growing it. We are the impatient ones. I could feel him looking at me when he said it. I know I am impatient. I am impatient in the car when people are going slow, I am impatient about God bringing me someone to date/love. At night I have been praying before I go to bed. Usually don't make a point to talk to the Lord as a fall asleep but have been for the last couple of days. I pour my heart out to Him. Once I start it just starts to come out. But, the thing is, it's been the same thing I pray about. I think it's the one thing that's always on my heart and I just act like I am okay with most of the time. I pour out that I am impatient and I know that He is doing things, but I am tired of waiting. I am tired of being excited about people who are pregnant. I don't even want a baby, I want someone to hold my hand! And so when I really allow myself to be honest with myself and God, I tell him that I am lonely. He has been showing me that He is there with me until He brings me my husband. Even as I am sitting here at Starbucks, typing this and listening to Joyce Meyer, the one that I just chose to listen to is Jealousy and Greed.
And after the mustard seed comes the Yeast. The leaven bread. How you must use a little leaven bread (moldy but needed) to put into what you are now making. At first I thought it was something else. I used the big picture to think about something else and then the preacher talked about how Jesus is the leaven bread. Once it's in the new yeast, smushing itself, it grows. It grows like the mustard seed and brings it to be it. It grows and becomes the new bread. that's us with God. We have him in our life, we allow him control and then we see him in us. So, at the end of the sermon and on the back of our paper, it gave questions to ask ourselves. I had already looked at the questions and here are some of them.
1. Take a few minutes and reflect on your life. About what things/areas can you say, "it is inexplicable, He must have done it!"?
2. What so you sense your current need for spiritual growth chiefly lies?
3. Spend some time in prayer thanking Him for what He has already done in your life and heart....Now entrust Him with what change is yet to come.

And so, here is what I think about the questions. I should be more thankful. I can list the things in my life where it just had to be God. I had a friend in college, I didn't know her but became quick friends when we both failed a much needed class. I failed it b/c my fiancee had been to infatuated with my fiancee and was at his beck and call when he came in town or was on the phone. She had the same bad relationship and we then had to take a class in order to graduate and God brought me that friend. He brought me a glimpse of what He could do in my life if I had given him control.
What about Guatemala? I was sick with a parasite and the doctor didn't speak English. It just so happened the the doctors wife came in to help me and translated for me when I went back in.
Brazil. I met a dear friend Hadassah that had been in a bad relationship like me and we prayed for our future husbands dearly and strongly in a bus going the road.
Even these days. I am having car problems. I don't have the money to get it fixed yet and it is by the grace of God that I have Jenny, my dear sister and she allows me to ride with her to school and allows me to use her car to go to church.
Instead of watching TV for hours, I have switched to reading or listening to a sermon online. I am not saying it's been perfect and I might not go home and watch a couple of thing on the church. But, I have been making better choices. I have a sin that keeps coming up every so often and instead of allowing it to burden me and partake in it all of the time, I have been doing other things instead.
I could go on and on. The old Christine would have been hanging her head low and feeling defeated about my bills. About how I react to things. But, with giving God control, I can hold my head high and know that i am doing everything that I possibly can about it.

There is a peace that I know when I trust in God. that's what Joyce Meyer just said. It can't be just a one time thing or a thing where I am trusting only when craziness ensues. There is always times of craziness. The devil wants to get at me quickly b/c I am no longer controlled by him.

So, sitting here at Starbucks and listening to Joyce Meyer and typing. I am looking around at the different sorts or people here, I still giving control over to you lord.

Lord,
Thank you so much for everything that you have done in my life. The things that I have hated you for and the things that I didn't even know that I needed. Oh, how I need you in my life. I need you more than I realize. Sometimes like today I get glimpses and I want to fall on my knees and thank you. Thank you for always taking care of me. If I think/really know that You have always taken care of me, than why don't I think that you will take care of the other bits and pieces. The things that I SO desperately would love to have. It's in your time and not mine. Even though it's SO hard at times, I give you it Lord. I give you my life and what you will do in it.

Amen.

37.5 MG review

Okay, well I have been on the change in prescription for about two weeks. I am thinking it's been about two weeks, it could have been a month or just a week. As I said a couple of blogs ago, I went back to the doctor and talked about changing my medicine down. Down to only half way and it has been working for me. I think that the change in work and just changes that have been going on in my prayer life and my relationship with God has been a good thing. It's not all about the medicine but me as a person. I am happy. Not all of the time, but I know that God has my back in the times when I am not.

Garage Sale

You can tell a lot about a person from what they are selling at their Garage Sale.
Our books: Christian self-helps and lots of non-fiction fairytale princess meets her night and shining armour, live happily ever after books.
Then you see the clothes no longer fir or the dresses that you just had to get for a special occasion that at the garage sale you sell for $1 b.c it's on a hanger. The prom dress that will so be a wonderful Quince dress for a young girl.
And so this one is different there will not be a "put it back into the garage" moment. We are dropping off the clothes and small items to Goodwill. Before we take the books that are for a quarter that we just had to read, I am taking them to a used bookstore to see if we can get any store credit. They called yesterday and said that we have $125 in credit and that they took 80 % of the books that we had brought in.
Again how I didn't realize in time that the library is FREE!! And I felt that I had to show everyone and keep all of the books, like an adornment of how smart that I am. How wrong was I?

And news from the sale is that we will be able to get a tank of gas down to Florida in Feb for the Disney Princess races. Which really means that we need to start training. I could say, oh, anyone can do a 5K and so I don't have to worry about it and train. I did that once for a race. I had done some 5K's and had been no much at the gym and tried to do a half marathon. It didn't work out that well for me.

What did you do on your September break?

I have found that I can't be a Jersey Housewife. After cleaning, reading, making 2 baby blankets, and starting a huge project making my race shirts into a quilt, I need to work. That was all done by Tuesday and I had the rest of the week! I also know that even at the times that I don't want to leave the house, I need to leave the house at least once a day. Depression would creep up it's ugly face O'So quickly. So, it was a blessing that my wonderful friends needed an overnight babysitter for her daughter. I got to get out of mind of doing nothing and got out of the house. It was also a reminder that I need to be thankful for my singleness b/c at times I usually want to go to the bathroom by myself and want to watch what I want on TV. I also have been to the library twice this week. I am slowly getting through a Beth Moore book. I am loving some Amish books by Beverly Lewis. It's b/c of me that there is none at your local libraries. The simple life fascinates me. They just have different things that they have to think about. I really like reading about the mating rituals? That doesn't sound right, but the way the Amish go about meeting and dating. Really they don't date. They hang out and then they don't tell anyone that they are together until a month before their wedding. And then they tell the whole church about it.
What else? I am really trying to consciously have quiet Jesus time this week. When you have the time you can't sit still and while during work you pray for time alone with Him.

So Long Insecurity

So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore
Ending

My father in heaven,
I thank you for breath this day to give you praise.
I thank you for a life where nothing is wasted,
a life where pain turns into purpose and Your providence assigns a personal destiny.
You will never allow anything in my path
that can't bring You glory or me and those around me good.
No matter what this day holds,
I am clothed with strength to overcome every obstacle and all oppression
b/c I belong to Jesus Christ, and His Spirit lives within me.
You, Lord, are my security.
No one and nothing can take You from me.
You will keep my foot from being caught in a trap.
I choose to turn my back on fear b/c You are right here with me.
I can smile over the days to come b/c Your plan for me is good and right.
My heart is steadfast, trusting in You, Lord.
In the end, I will look in triumph on my foes.
Because of You,
I, Christine, am secure. In Jesus' triumphant name,
Amen.

Galatians 5:26

We will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.
The Message

Hebrews 10:35-36

Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

Psalm

Psalm 139 1-6 13-17

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down and or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I am far away. You see when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
....You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before i was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!

Grace

Which one am I?

Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this; While we were still sinners; Christ died for us.

I have some good friends.

I didn't grow up in church. I don't remember going to church until I was in college. After that, my relationship with my Heavenly Father has just gotten better. Oh, even though I wasn't sitting in the pews, God was bringing himself to me when I was younger and even older. One thing he gave me was a Christian friend in high school. She invited me to sleep overs and we did things at church. It was the first time that I sat in a living room and heard someone reading the bible and talking about it.

Another thing she brought to me was Seeds of Family Worship. She gave me a couple of CD's and then I bought some more for my Ipod. While training for a half marathon, I listened and listened to those cd's. You should check it out if you have young children or would like to learn more Scriptures from the Bible. They are songs that are sung straight from Bible Scriptures.

This above is one of the songs that I listened to. So, when I saw this on Pinterest, it was not read, but sang when I put it up there. It was a reminder that God has been there throughout my life. It was also showing that he has brought me good friends to share himself through them.

Jesus, oh how that is me. You and control over my life? Oh, how the word control has come up every now and then in my life. I want to have control. I want to be again, in control and then it will be my fault if it goes wrong, it will be my fault if it goes right because I will have done everything that I could possibly done. Control also gives up timing. If I give you control than I have no idea when things will happen. I like to make lists and dos and don't so if I give you my wants and dreams, then how will I know they will come true when I want them to? Man, how that's how I have and a lot of other people have thought and feel. Giving control also means that it hasn't happened not b/c I am not good enough or haven't done something and that's why it hasn't happened. B/c I have had a list. I have gone over the list and have gone over it with God too. (Isn't that a little controlling?) Telling God, when I do this this and this, then you can give me the man of my dreams. But, the real thing is that I have had the man of my dreams. I have had the fairy tale engagement and party and it was not what it cracked up to be. It wasn't what God had for me. He kept trying to tell me that but I was so infatuated with having someone telling me good things about me, that I was willing to not have what God wanted for me. And so, even though it's hard. Even though I pray before going to bed about it, God knows. He knows b/c he has shown me in little and big ways throughout my life that what HE has planned for me is so much better than what I tried to have.

I have been praying to God about His timing alot lately. Some of my prayers before I fall asleep have been When God? prayers. Here I am, I think I am ready. Wouldn't God want to help one of his hurting sheep? Of course he does, but God also knows that what I want may not be what I truly need at this time.

What does delighting in the Lord mean? It means not laying in your bed and feeling sorry for yourself. It means not living your life and just sitting and waiting for Prince Charming or for Mr. Right to come through the door. God has been giving the desires of my heart. I love to give Love. I love being one on one with others and learning about them. If you look at my work this year, that's what I have been doing. In after school I have to take one of my kids to the restroom. I have him from 2:30 until usually 5:45. When he can't get out that he is mad, sad, or glad, I am there to hug him and to bring him back to having fun. So, if the Lord brings a turn around in my work place, then why don't I believe that God will do that in my love life?

Listening

Listening to Andy Stanley on the 3 out of 4 sermon at Starbucks. How on the way to Starbucks I thought of all of the things that I could be doing or starting instead of having quiet time. Quiet time consisting of listening to this as I type. Thinking about how so I would like a date and so how I would like to just hold hands with someone. I know some people who read this might be in a bad relationship. They might be going through a divorce or have been with their significant other for so long that they don't remember a first kiss or a first touch on the shoulder while walking to the car. But, here I am listening to Andy talk about Sex. Yep, Sex. What has God intended for it? For a married couple. Not a getting married or we are living together couple. No, for on the wedding night and there after. Why am I even typing about this? I don't know. I think that once I am in a relationship, listening to this and will remind me when the time comes about it.

It's been a while

Yeah, it's been a while since I have blogged. I haven't been journaling a lot but I have been reading. Not so much non fiction, but fictional stories. I am loving the Amish tales of Beverly Lewis.

My friend Jackie and I have decided to not a do a Bible Study, but a study on Philippians. Study meaning that we are going to slowly go through it.

So, I have the week off of school. Each day I have something to do. A dinner with a friend to catch up on things, dinner with another friend to catch up on other things. Jenny and I are having a garage sale over at Mom's house on Friday and Saturday. We have everything ready from the last one, we will just have to sweep the driveway and put up a couple of other signs. I have even more clothes and books from the last one. We are going to donate the rest of the things to Goodwill and not hold on to things for this coming summer.

Also, this past weekend at church we had a sermon on Rest. Really a sermon on Sabbath. What do to and not to do kind of. This is what I wrote down.

Sabbath is one whole day. Not just a couple of hours here and there. It's a whole day to unplug.
Sabbath is a day for refilling.
Rushing all through the week takes away things and this is the time to come back to God and sit.

God wants to take the things off of you that others put on.

Rest is oxygen for my heart.

And so I have a week of rest. I could be watching tv and playing on Farmville, or I can just be resting. Sleeping more, reading the books that I have had to read in a basket downstairs, and I can have conversations with the Lord by just being quiet and still. You can't be quiet and still while working 11 hour days. You can for about 20 minutes during lunch time and then you get back to work or think/make lists about what I need to do.

Joyce Meyer is coming to the Qwinnett Arena next weekend. Oh, how I love Joyce. I have in the past not liked her b/c I think she is frank and I didn't want frankness even though that's what I need the most. I have been listening to her broadcasts today and yesterday while I was doing things on the computer. I a little while ago googled Andy Stanley, who I loved listening to at North Point when I attended there. The first thing that came up was the sermons about The New Rules for Sex, Love, and Dating. Is that so not what I needed to hear? So as I am typing I am listening to Andy talk about dating. I am on the second part, but I its really good.

www.northpoint.org/messages

It's The New Rules for Sex, Love, and Dating.

This isn't me anymore

From: Lies Women Believe by Nancy Lee De Moss

By constantly blaming others, blaming circumstances, and blaming God, I found myself totally irresponsible for my life, my sins, and my choices-and then I was trapped and felt helpless and out of control.

Oh, how I just read that in my book and that goes along with today. I have blamed my issues of my father, on my childhood, sadly on my mother, on my old relationships. Everyone and everything other than me. But that's Old Christine. This new Christ-like Christine is admitting her faults and asking for forgiveness. My childhood was my childhood. Who I am is because of it. I can not change that some others in my family did not have the same. Some did not have a mother that would finish at work and then take us along for another job in the evenings. They didn't have a job at 16 and worked at times two jobs while changing positions at Harris Teeter and Hollywood Video. I have worked for my first car, a beat up 1986 Buick that I had to stop halfway to school each day to let "her cool down." I worked a summer, losing weight in the sun, helping my father pack and move houses throughout Ga, North Caroline and South Carolina. That was the summer before after my senior year and I made $2500 an used it to put a down payment on a Ford Contour that was the nicest car I ever seen. That was also the summer that my boyfriend dumped me b/c I was on the road too much and also b/c I wouldn't sleep with him. (that is for another story) Have you ever wondered what you call your ex-boyfriends and boyfriends? All of mine have been known as the first and last name. I was engaged to Michael Todd, not just a guy named Michael. That dude that dumped me after I wouldn't go all of the way with him, was Bobby Law. Maybe I will know who my husband will be when he is known only for his first name. Back to the beginning of the entry, I was and am only saying that bitterness can keep you away from the life that God wants to you to live for Him. And I am not going to be bitter any longer.

A Prayer

Lord, please produce in me the beauty, the heart, character, response of you Lord.

Amen

The righteous

The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.

Psalm 34:19

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Lies

Lies: What we do with them.

Listen to it.
Dwell on it.
Believe it.
Act on it.

I you want to know what God is really like, you need to turn to the Word of God.

Do we really believe that God is enough or are we looking to other things/people to fill other empty places of our hearts?
Lately, more than ever I have questioned or wondered about that. I don't need a drink at Starbucks or need a good book or Bible Study. This year has been showing me that there is no need to second guess myself or to always have to ask someone else about what they feel on a situation.
Gossip is another things that I don't struggle with. yes, it' there but there is no wondering is someone will tell or take the wrong way the things that I have said. Old Christine used to be having panic attacks and binge eating about not being able to pay bill and car being broken.
1. I work all of the time
2. I am NOT buying crap.
3. I have wonderful Jenny who will carpool with me and said that she honestly doesn't even mind.
4. I lay my head down at night, without anxiety b/c I know that I have done all that I can today and God will do the rest. Oh, again if I would have had this Christ freedom long ago. All I can do is live today and know that God loves me and He knows the plans He has for me............

Guard

Guard my mind:
Choose the input I allow into my life and reject that which promotes ungodly thinking.

No idea what the Title should be

Of course today would be a silly, not crazy day with the kids. Of course when I am going to the doctors for a check-up on my medicine. Yesterday a tornado flew by out house. I was in the bathroom (yes, the bathroom) and then watched out the window as two neighbor's garage cans went down in the street in the air. We are missing shingles and one other thing. We didn't have power from 3 until 11 at night. We halfway talked about driving to Mom's house. I opened my window and lay ed in the bed. I was getting a headache b/c the neighbor decided to cook out and it stunk. That with having no air/fan use, made for a almost hard time.
I have a fan at my desk. I have the air on in the car most of the time. I have a fan in my room that's blaring at wherever i am at in the room while I sleep. When I start ti get anxious, I always get hot. So, you don't know how much you become accustomed to it until it's out and there is NO wind. I lay ed with my head at the window, praying to God to bring some wind. There was a wind at times, bu I had to just keep breathing. Like, Dora, "Just keep swimming." I "just keep breathing." I remembered and told Jenny that it reminded me of Guatemala. I had a balcony that I could stand outside. I would on the nights where I was sick and couldn't fall asleep. Guatemalans have no air conditioning b/c they really don't need it. There isn't heat and a cool breeze always comes in. Not like last night when I was yearning for some breeze to blow into the window. Anxiety or any of it's ugly symptoms didn't arise at all last night. And today with my kids seeming to have forgotten all that we have taught them in not calling out, I am STILL GOOD. More than good b/c I have not look of anxiety symptoms at all. I am grateful for it. Especially b/c I have my doctor's appoint and want to talk about lowering my dosage on my anxiety meds.


Thursday afternoon:
At Starbucks typing this in and wanted to write about what happened at the doctors. It was one of those visits that she was running late and I waited longer than she had talked to me. She took my blood pressure which when I was fatter it was high and I had to take medicine. It was good and then I asked her about lowering the dose. We both said, "not to zero" at the same time. We decided on taking half lower, which is 37.5. She gave me a prescription and told me to come back in 60 days. I would know in two weeks if that dosage was good enough and to call if I needed to go back up.
I was catching up with a friend and had asked her pray for my doctor's apt. She didn't remember that I take anxiety medicine. I think it's like having alcoholism. Even if I don't drink (have panic attacks), I still have anxiety. I will always have anxiety. I have had to face that fact and I have. There are times when I have had my dosage really high and at times I didn't even take medicine. Today was my first day with my lower dosage. It went well. I am going to keep praying about it and just take life as it comes.

And then I open again

Here I am again typing. I just read Lisa Whelchel's The Facts of Life and other things my Father taught me. I was at the library last time and went to the religious section like I always do. I saw her book and flipped through it. I knew that I should read it when I saw in one chapter something about....."I waited long enough and God gave me my husband." Well, it was a little about her family and such, but what I got most out of it was when she spoke about what she watched and reads. I have read books as you know and they usually at some point speak about what you are spending your time doing instead of spending it with God. Well, I don't know why this particular book go to me and the others didn't, but I was questioning the books and the TV shows that I watch. The books even for a quick read. Remember I won that wonderful huge tote bag full of things? Well, it was filled with about 5-6 books that I usually wouldn't read. Authors that have at least one sex scene or romantic part that I don't want to read. I think you could leave out the sultry of him unbuttoning her blouse and just tell the story without those kinds of times. So, that's why I usually read a different kind of nonfiction and fiction books. But, I got a series book and a friend from work noticed it and said that she had another book in the series that I should read first. Well, I read it and it totally had the scenes in it. And with what I was reading with Lisa Whechel, it got the thinking of what I read and what I watch. People hate The Jersey Show. I love it. Not enough that I have to stay up to watch it on whatever night it comes on. But, if there is a marathon going on or it's on I will choose it. I don't think that it's good. It's laughable and at times it doesn't even seem real. But, God has opened my eyes or really questioned my eyes on what I am watching. That show along with other reality shows that I LOVE! make sex before marriage, fighting, crude language just a thing that everyone does. Even though it is things that everyone does, it doesn't mean that I should be doing it. Or watching it. You can tell if I have had a bad day or I am going to pull the it's that time of the month saying to say that I have flung around some curse words like it's no big thing. Usually to the people that I know won't judge or have a problem with me. My mom and Jenny have been known to call me out on it, but I still like to voice my concerns/what's bothering me with a big FU. God is calling me to work on it. He wants to be act like I am with him at all times b/c He is with me at all times. And so I have read 1 out of the 3 books for the Reading Bowl and got a bunch of others to re-read or to delve in again. I am the girl that always has a book she is reading in her purse or in her bag. I will also try my best to remember the types of programs that I am watching on TV. What I am staying up later for when I could be in bed or I could be spending that time listening to something better for me.

God Help me.

No church Sunday

Why do I go to the nosiest places in order to have quiet time? I am splurging and getting a pedicure today and then was going to Starbucks for some quiet time. But, they don't open for a while so I am at Starbucks. It's busy but I am thinking that I will type how I am feeling now rather than what I usually do. I usually write in my journal and then that's when you see a bunch of posts at the the same time b/c I just copied from my journal. Sometimes or really all of the time it helps to write down how I am feeling or what I am reading. Man, I have been doing a lot of reading. Jenny and I went to the library and my card has been used so many times that I had to get a whole new one!

I am helping, or I asked if I could help with the Reading Bowl at school. I think I wrote before that 3-5 graders read as much as they can from 17 books and then go to a school and answer questions about them. My friend had her daughter in it last year and our school was said to do pretty well. They had thought that it would be not random but generic questions about the book, who the people were, themes, but they found that it was more about the little things in the books. So, I was told that the kids would begin meeting weekly after Christmas break and then they would choose the real 5 or 6 that would be in the bowl. Well, after my reading so many books this summer, you would think that I would be tired but I wasn't. I wasn't keeping count, but noticed that I had read the books from the our school library and there were some I hadn't. I printed off the list and now know that I have read 13 out of the 17 books already! When I went to the library on Saturday I got the last three that I would be reading b/c two books I don't think I could make myself read through. So, I am excited to help out in any way that I can with the bowl.

What else? You can tell when I am in a funk or I am questioning things by the shortness and the color of my hair. I think that at times I can't change what's going on inside or can't change things in my life, so I choose to change what I can. And so since I am trying not to buy alot of things this month and I like the longness of my hair, hair color change was the option. So, on the way home yesterday from the library I bought for $4.49 at Walgreens hair color. After watching a movie last night I put it on my hair and now I am dark brown. It's a difference and that's really what I want each time. For someone or for me to be able to notice the change. B/c I had a little bit of reddish in it, you can still see some red but it is darker brown now.
I go through wanting a tattoo and then changing my mind. Where would I put it? I already have tiny hearts on my back that even when I wear a bathing suit you can't even see them. What would I get? I know for a fact that I would get a cross. I simple one. Simple enough that it would be just two black lines. I am really thinking about on my lower ankle. You can put socks on it and it will be small enough not to notice. I have even looked on websites to get ideas and also to read about ankle tattoos. My other tattoo I got when I was again in a tiff with a boyfriend. Over my younger years, I got a tattoo, more ear piercings and a belly button ring when I broke up or was in a tiff with a guy. I know that wasn't a good thing and I think at the times I didn't consciously do it for those facts, but when I look back I can see that at the times that I got those things, I hated Guys. Or hated one guy in particular.

What also is there is that at times I think I need a date. A date on the calendar I mean to have something. I will start this eating right at the beginning of the month. I will do this on my birthday. This will happen......on this date..... What I need to realize or know is that everyday is special to God. Every day is special to God that I want to be in relationship to Him. I don't have to have a reason or a date for anything.

Well, I will close for now.

Today

Today
I don't even know what to write about. I have a list of things that I would like to do for my Labor Day Weekend. I also wasn't surprised to find that my doctor is closed for Labor Day and I have to not work ASP for the day.

Things on my list
Balls up and pay bills
Finish book and take items back to library and get more books
clean house
have meaningful quiet time
pay for Disney 5K (which means I need to begin training for it.)
do I want to change my hair color? ( I bought a box)
do Eharmony (I looked it up and it's not really free for the weekend)

Salt

Sometimes God wants us to be salt.
It's never the main point.
It's not a defining moment.
It's just what you use.
Sometimes God just wants to use us. I just feel like that. That I am just going to work and then going home only to do the same the next day.

Matthew 5:13
You are here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?

Authenticity means being honest about our struggles, knowing in that honest, God will meet us and transform us. Lord, that's so what I want to be. I want to be honest about being guilty of wanting something that I don't have. Being jealous. Jealous of others relationship and marriages, when all that I want to be is to be one. Do I not believe that you have my life, you are in control? That it's not about the deserving it or being ready, it's about you Lord. Help me to find comfort in you. I am asking for patience and help while I wait. Where is He Lord? When am I going to be with him? What do I need to do, if anything? B/c I am lonely and it's hard being alone. I put on a brave face, but help me to be patient and to be with you.

Amen


God lives in the struggle. It's there we find Him.

Mom

My mom gave me the gift of giving. Yesterday she got me something. I am almost done with my journal and so she got me one from Vistaprint with my name on it!

My friend Jackie, who's with me one on one for Community Group, called yesterday. With work still being new, we haven't had time to talk like we usually do. We talked about her new class and i talked about the craziness of my day. She all of a sudden said, "We are at home. We don' need to talk about work, we need to talk about the other things in out lives. " How true!

Hippos

One of my girls filled my bucket today. I was at centers, doing my last one with my highest group. We blasted through our worksheet and in the time left, I have out H pictures for them to describe. One girl got a hippo and got to work on trying to write describing words. We only had a couple of minutes so I stapled the picture to the paper and she put it in her cubby. As she got back to her seat, she said, "This has been the funnest center, I just love it!!" So, by me just taking extra time to copy some pictures, it made her day which then made mine!!

God knows what we need, even if we don't even ask.

Headaches

For the past 2 days, I have been having a bad headache. I don't get headaches and so I know that something is wrong when I do. I half thought it was stress yesterday and so I ate a good dinner and went to bed after a having a hot bath. After I had my 2ND sweet tea, here comes the headache. It has to be that, especially when today wasn't stressful. On another note, my doctor called b/c I called in a RX refill and haven't been to see her in months. In thinking that she is going to want to see me in her office which would be just fine. Then omes the questions about if I should go down a dose on my medicine. I am already at 75 MG from 100, but I once I get lower, then I could just get off the medicine again. It's just one of those things that I think that I will deal with forever. Even if I were to get off of it, slow is the best way and i have come to realize that I am not going to die with having one. A panic attack I mean. I know what to do and teachniques in order to stop.

Lord,
Help me to know what to do when I go to the doctors. Whether to not to lower my dosage. Amen.

What day is it?

I don't know what I am feeling/thinking. Things have been going so well with no anxiety/panic attacks. Even today, one of those times where I would have given in/had a pity party/talked to a million people about it/wondered what people thought of my reactions. Meds are going good. Been on a low dose for quiet a while. Listening to my IPOD at night, (Don't ask Jenny about it b/c she says that she can't stand the woman's voice). I am not even listening to what she is saying, I know it by heart, it's just her soothing voice and the background music. Anyway, even while driving home today I could feel that anticipation of one coming on. But, why does one have to come on?? Why do I have them or stopped having them? Things are going good. Really good with work. Even with the car breaking down, me wishing for a date, things aren't bad at all. I am grateful. So, why don't I feel it?

Monday's Bubble

Sometimes I feel like I am in a Special Ed bubble. And then like today are times when I feel like I am doing more than just making copies or helping out or whatever people think when they hear that I am a para-pro. This year I am working with one that does a lot of centers. Centers works well b/c students can learn at there own rate. (Home school and Montessori schools eat your heart out.) Well, we have just started this past week and being Monday, we had a group and then switched after 20 minutes. My teacher is doing the main Reading/Language Arts and I am just adding to help. I am doing Saxon, which if you don't know, you have papers and you have a script to say for each day of learning. This was the first day doing it and I was nervous even though none of the kids knew what to expect and would even know if I screwed it up. I asked about consonants/vowels and some other things. What will be great is that each day is review and building something new as in a letter or more sequencing. It will be great in a couple of weeks to just see how much they have learned. After Labor Day, we are going to have Math Centers three times a week so I and the teacher can help the kids that are lower and delve into more things for the higher.
In after school, I have help on Mondays and Weds. Oh, how grateful I am for my friend Karen from the lunchroom that comes in and takes some of the kids outside so I can stay in with the ones that have a better time while inside. Karen has a special needs daughter in eighth grade, so she comes in also. She likes to help with the kids and has fun playing with them. While waiting to go to the gym, I put on a Disney show that was the kids favorites. It was the sweetest thing to see them laughing and goofing off with each other. I am not saying, oh they are special ed, of course they can't have fun or play. No, what I am saying is that with all of their differences, I saw how laughter and a common love (Disney) brought them together to have fun.
It also makes me think of Community. How wonderful I have it at my church. We have a website that's like Face book only in the fact that you have profiles and you can message everyone in the church, or just one on one. Well, I have been having car problems, which I wrote about yesterday. I posted for some help on a place to take my car. I put on there about being seen as a Single Woman and how I needed a place that wouldn't screw me over. I didn't put all of that, but put it in a way for help. Instantly while I was at my computer, four people messaged me and gave about the same place to go to!! So, when I get paid this week, I will be heading to a place in Roswell for some help with my car. Well, when I was walking to the front of church, the outside greeter asked me about my car. I talked about the oil leak and he said that his always has one. It was nice b/c I felt like part of the community. I have gone to churches and have times at my jobs where I wasn't seen. That I felt like no one knew my name, let alone things about me. So, who is in your community? Your family? Your friends that you can pray for and with? I saw early this morning that one of my friends from school needed some prayer. His mother was to have unexpected surgery today. We have sat together and had a prayer group in the mornings, so why would I not pray for him even if our schedules have changed this year? So, my other prayer partner and I have decided to get a gift card and Prayer card for him. Now I am not saying this to gloat, I am just saying that if something would happen to my mother, I would hope that some of my close friends and not so close friends would help me in my time of need. So, again who is in your community? People you see everyday and even people that you haven't seen in forever but live in your heart?

Saturday

Being a teacher is nice! Teacher Appreciation days. Especially when you can get into the Coke Museum and the Aquarium for free!! We went to Coke first b/c we thought that there wasn't that much to do. How God can use anything/anyone to bring Himself to you. Oh, how I pray that I would see him in my day, but how wonderful that He brings Him when I don't even ask. At Coke we had to wait through a man talking. Then we watched a six minute cartoon movie. It was really cute, but that's it. That's when God outwardly gave me six minutes of Himself. The characters just kept on saying a reoccurring theme. The theme of: Having a good day. Not letting heartbreak, bills, not fitting into pants change your attitude of your day. Lat down the things that God can only take care of. That's the way I want to live my life. Not forgetting or not doing something about my weight gain or bills. But, in the regular day, not allowing what I have no control over to change my attitude. Oh, how I wish that I would have had this mindset year ago.

It's Friday

What a week. I don't even know what happened to describe it!

My car is broken again. I am waiting for my next paycheck to have it looked at.

Grateful to my sister Jenny for carpooling and letting me use her car.

Lunchtime: Quiet God time every day and I am thankful for it.

Getting some help for days in ASP when I have 6 special ed. kids

Not worrying/thinking/or second guessing about what people think of me.

Not worrying about money b/c I work 11 hours a day and I have not been buying junk or going to fast food restaurants.

I don't go through my day worrying about money/bills b/c I have given it over to God and I have no control over it. I have control over working and doing what I can.

Memorization

Word of God doesn't lie dormant once internalized:


Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary, burdened, and I will give you rest.


Romans 8:37
In all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us.


Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don't give up.

Isaiah 30:15

In quietness and confidence is your strength.

Affirmations of Peace of Mind

I keep thoughts on peace.

I am calm and composed.

I meditation on Scripture.

I let stress melt away.

I rely on God's strength.

I take time to be still.

My mind is tranquil and serence.

I joyfullly trust God. I choose peace.

I am free of negativity.

I expereicene comfort.

God is with me always.

Affirmations for Unshakeable Faith

I love God and trust Him completely!!

I am bold!

I schedule time daily to be with God.

I am transformed by the renewing of my mind.

I let go and let God.

I think about what is lovely, gracious, and excellent.

I am a well-adjusted balanced, and extremely capable human being.

Pride

I am proud of myself. I haven't had a panic attack or any feelings like that in I don't know how when. The other day was hard at work. I was surprised that I didn't cry, heavy breathe, or have to excuse myself to have my breakdown not in front of anyone else. I slept fine that night and in the morning I came in ready for the day without any worry. I was really afraid/wondering if my one child was going to remember the day before. My friend/coworker said the best thing. She said that some children don't hold grudges. Yesterday was yesterday and today is today. How wonderful b/c that is how I am too!! You can't hold grudges or act like they should be punished every other day for their actions. Even today, I am being honest here, I did get teary-eyed, tried to stop and then stepped out of the room. I went into the bathroom and breathed in and out for some time. The years stopped and my hear beat wasn't any faster.
Another wonderful thing happened. Tonight we have curriculum night. I never come back when the parents come in the evening to hear about the whole year. But, before leaving, I wanted to clean the desks and straighten up around the 2 rooms. I told this to my one teacher and she said, NO, Today is your mental health Thursday and I will be straightening up. How wonderful to take the pressure off of me and to take affect that today is the day that I leave at 2:30 instead of staying until 6. I have been reading The 4:8 Principle and it's been focusing on your own mind and thought process. Before I wouldn't have thought this to be true, but now I know that it is from experience.

You can control your thoughts, you can strengthen your emotional life.

As for me and my house, we will serve you!!

We are having a mission fair at church this Sunday and the net. Matthew, our pastor spoke spoke about the church as a whole and where we would be going in the next year. He spoke about relying on another, b/c we ourselves have no strength. That being Jesus, and dying on the cross. I attend a church that believes in Gospel Transformation. Jesus change from the inside out. And O! this past year I have had some heart changes. I did Dave Ramsey's Financial seminar and learned quiet a lot. So much that I am still putting what I learned into daily practices.


Matthew went around calling people's names out and detailing how God had used/ changed the this year. A loud LiAnna and Christine was belted out first. He spoke about how we have supported poor children. Man, after a year of feeling like I had not been seen, it was like God had used fireworks to show me that I was indeed seen and loved.


Matthew also spoke about oversea missions and they showed interviews and clips of people that went to Hungary and Eleuthra this past summer. I saw my friend Wendy living life and hugging /loving on people that that a week before she had never known. One interviewer had said, "You sign up for these trips not knowing where you will get the money, you just know that God is pulling at your heart to go."


I have been praying, asking the Lord to show me in some way if he wants me to go to Brazil. After hearing the testimonies and talking to Mike, our Missions Pastor, I am going to Brazil on my Spring Break!! When I asked Mike about the dates, he said, " We made it for the time of Spring Break for you." I believe that he meant for "you" as in teachers and students could go, but right then God was slowing me, "I want you to go. You don't know how you will come up with $2500 while you are SO sunken in debt, but give it over to me and I will take care of it. " Mike said that we would be leaving Thurs or Friday and then come back on Sunday. That means that I would have to only take off the Friday before which should work out fine.
Oh, how I can't wait to see Bruno and Camilla and to just spend time with them again. Yes, with only 2 weeks into the school year, the end of March seems so far away. Feb. break and the half marathon/5K seems so far away also. But, God knows what He is going and I am laying my head down at night without worries b/c of how much He loves me.

From a book I just finished:

Psalm 139:13,14

You made my whole being, you formed me in my mother's body. I praise you b/c you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.

How you view yourself is going to determine how other people view you.

Life = 10 % What happens, 90 % how you deal with it.

There is nothing more attractive to a guy than a girl who feels comfortable in her own skin.

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or find it not.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Jeremiah 1:5

Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you Christine. Before you were born, I set you apart.

You have two father and there isn't a guy you will meet who can be either of them.

Gloria Gaither:

God walks with us...He scoops us up in His arms or simply sits with us in silent straight until we can't avoid that awesome recognition that Yes, even now, He is here.

George Mueller:

The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.

Winning Bag!

I couldn't wait until the end of the day to come to the Library and pick up my winning bag. It's bigger and heavier than I thought that it would be. New books, chocolate, snacks, there is just a whole list of everything that I get to have!!

Here's a picture of all of my stuff!!!

Below is a picture of all of the books that I got!!!!

We wouldn't trust anyone else........

I was in church today and I had so many different thoughts, so I wrote them all down. Here it goes............

I think that the two people that I work with aren't used to having help. I think that last year I was two people. I had such a hard time when I found out that I would be working with two new people. God knew. God knows. God answered my prayers and took away my anxiety. I am still with Special Ed. students and figuring out how they tick and ways to hep them not to get out of control. But, now I have another para-pro that helps them where I can get my work done and not rush to the kids.

Prayer: I have been taking two more minutes in bed to pray about the day. To ask God for me to see Him during the day. I have also been tired this week. I haven't gotten my hours of needed rest. I can't stay up late b/c I get up so early in the morning.

I have given my bills over to the Lord again this month. I have paid in full the big ones. The rest, (my credit cards) I am going to pay what I can. I have to lay down the fact that I am working. That I am doing the best that I can my paying my bills. I have bought groceries and haven't stopped for fast food.

Brazil

So, this coming two Sundays we are having a Ministry Fair at my church. You can sign up to help in a lot of ways, do Lowe Lane things, and they posted the two Missionary Trips that are going on. We are going to Brazil during our Spring Break and then going to Hungary at the end of June. I really want to go to Brazil, but only want to go if God wants me to. Please say a prayer that I will know whether or not God wants to me go and if it will badly conflict with my job. It says that we would leave the Friday before we get out, but get back on that Sunday.

Thank you for your prayers!!

Ms. Kramer

Here's what's one of my nuggets drew when asked to draw his teacher. It's me, can you tell by the glasses?

The website

Here is the website that I talked about a few blogs ago. Isn't it the nicest thing? I miss my kids from last year. Check this out!

http://olgaspivey.com/kramer.html

It will take a little while to begin.

Another Day....

Well, first I have a job!! I still have my job!! We were called up to the Principal's office and were told that one of us was needed to go to another school to be a para-pro. We were told two schools that needed one and then had time to see if anyone was going to volunteer. If not, then the county would look at seniority. Once the principal walked out of the county, one woman stepped up and said that since she lived closer to the new school, that she would make the move. We all thanked her and of course I got teary-eyed when it came to my turn.

So, I have my job and it's been crazy like all week b/c the kindergartners are new. They are brand spankin' new. They don't know to not shout out. They don't even know our names so we just hear, "Teacher, Teacher!". I don't think some of them understand the concept of teacher/authority and being asked to do something would make you do it. But, each day it has gotten a lot better. Lunch time with 43 kids (me being with two classes) can be a little hectic, but today I got them seated, all their things opened, and got to walk around easier today.

I am loving my kids already. I pray every morning for the Lord to be with me and to show me that He is there. Today, in one class we were reading, Did you fill my bucket? book. It's a book that every classroom uses and it's a way for people to be kind and not mean to each other. To get off of the rug, you had to say something about how you would fill some one's bucket, (Share toys, tell someone you love them, give a compliment). The boys came up to me and one nugget told me, "Give them a hug!" and he totally gave me a hug. One girl had already told one and so she came up to me and said for her answer to how to fill some one's bucket, "You love Jesus and God." It was so nice to hear the words Jesus and God from such a little thing.

It's been so TIRING this week! I get to work really early, 6:45 and then don't leave until 5:45 in the evening after school. For the past couple of nights, I have gone home, ate, picked out my next day clothes, got my lunch together, and then went to bed. Last night I went to bed at 8 PM and then only woke up at 2 AM b/c of a thunderstorm. I was still tired when I woke up at 6 in the morning!! My feet have been hurting b/c I have had to wear my ballet flats instead of my favorite go-to's, my flip flops! I am pretty sure that I will lose some weight this year from all of the walking that I do.

Another Day

I am tired. My kids are wearing me out. My After school kids are wonderful. I have from 5-6 Special Ed students each afternoon. It ranges from behavior problems to one that I have to help to the bathroom. They usually leave 5:30, so it's really not that bad.
The blessing from my last blog was that I have morning duty instead of afternoon car duty. I get to school early, 7 AM duty in the cafeteria. I know a lot of the students so I can chat with them, they can eat, and then go begin their days in their classrooms.
I go between sad, (I want to cry) to angry about my job situation. I am at the point that I just want to know whether to not I keep my job. We got an e-mail saying that we are to meet with the principal and a man from the county at 9 AM. I think, I really think that the man is going to say which school needs a para and I think we are going to be asked who wants to volunteer. I think that the principal is just going to have to end up choosing someone to go. I have no idea what it will be based on.....Seniority? Evaluations?
There is a reason that the Lord is testing my patience level. I didn't' think that it could reach any higher and it has.
There is this boy in my one class with white bond hair and just curls. I just thought that he was going to be a terror, but he said, "Yes Ma'am" today after being asked to stop. He so was the best listener today and was looking at me to answer his questions today.
One girl took my hand and kissed it while walking to lunch. At lunch I heard, "Miss KRAY! and then a sweet wave. I have heard Mrs. Kray, Mrs. Krane, but haven't heard Ms. Kramer yet.
At the end of this post I am going to put the best present I ever received. Last years Room Mom was the best and she took time to individually make me and my friend Danielle a video of our kids telling what they loved about us. It's so sweet. Kids can be real. If they don't like you, they don't hide it. But, if they love you, you hear shouts of Ms. Kramer like I did when taking my kids to snack in ASP. You hug the ones that come out of line to say Hello.
Here is the Scripture that I am trying to rest in. To know and believe this to be true. That my Abba knows all about me. That he takes care of me when I am tired and I don't feel like I deserve it. B/c I am tired. Tired physically and mentally. But the Lord knows what's on my mind and in my heart at all times. Even when I am too tired to go to Him about things.

Hebrews 6:10
Christine, God is not unjust, He won't forget your work and the love you have shown Him and you have helped His people and continue to help them!

Oh, how I feel like I am forgettable. That people/God doesn't see what I do, all of the good work that I do throughout the day. But, even if I fee like the Lord is silent, He is really not. That's so easy to write, but I am really feeling it to be true lately.
Here is something else that I wrote in my journal.

Sometimes God may be allowing bad things into your life to prepare you to handle GREATER blessings.
Oh, if that was true for me Lord. I would name off the blessings that I would like to receive (husband, debt gone), but I have tried to live my life the way that I have wanted, which only led to sinful behaviors.
I want a life filled with love. I don't want my life, I want the life that God has planned for me.

Oh, that you would bless me indeed, that you would expand my territory. Lead me away from anything evil.

I can hardly keep my eyes open so at 9 PM, I am going to bed. Wish me luck for tomorrow. I won't need it b/c I know that my Abba will be sitting right beside me.

Strength

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord.

Still do not know anything about my job and don't know when we will find out which para pro will be asked to go to another school. God has SO surrounded me the last couple of days. This morning while in the car driving to work, I just prayed for God to surround Himself around me and for me to see/feel Him throughout the day. I so did. I did in ways that a friend had to remind me of something that happened today and look at it as a blessing.

I am not good at waiting. I am not good at being patience. The Lord knows this. He SO knows this. I was talking with my wonderful friend Jackie after church yesterday and one thing that I said about not knowing if I had a job at LRE was, am I SO stuck in sin that God needs to use this to show me it? Am I so not giving up control and not just knowing, but believing and acting as though God has my best interest at heart? That when I don't feel him or I have to be patient, that is a chance to be reminded that God is my Abba.

I put my prayer request on my church's website. It's like Facebook without all the bad things that come along with it. A wonderful mother of a family that I love posted the best thing for me!! She had two children who had gone through Little River and I remember her daughter's class like it was yesterday. She posted that LRE wouldn't be the same without me and that she thinks of me when she remembers the school.

I am so tired after a very long day. I am not going to type that much more, but I wanted to post something about today. One blessing is that the para pros were told that they would be working an extra half an hour without any more pay. We were given afternoon duty, which is usually when I begin ASP. But, the asst. principal asked if anyone would like to switch to a morning duty and after no one said anything, I asked or said that I would be willing to come in early. That means that my ASP time would not be changed and I could have more hours in it. It was a blessing b/c I usually don't speak up and that I was able to do it.

My first day of school with 23/22 kids making 45 kids all together was lovely and tiring. I was moving around all day long, and towards the end of the day was able to really take a look at my kids and get to know some of them a little. One of my new friends Melvin, started crying in line b/c " I want to bring my lunch from home! I want my MOOOOMMMMY" He had really big alligator tears and I just wanted to somehow take a lunchbox from out of a hat and give it to me. I coaxed him into the lunchroom and told him that he should tell his Mom that he wanted to bring his lunch.

One of the best parts of the first day is to see my kids from years before. They are taller and are walking around as first and second graders. They give you a hug. They scream your name from across the room.

Well, I am off to bed now. Another day of patience.

Oh Lord, I am asking to feel your presence throughout the day tomorrow. I pray that I will know that you are right beside me, holding my hand and knowing that I so need to hear/see you. I pray that I don't allow my emotions to get the best of me and that the words that come out of my mouth are worthy of you hearing them. I love you Lord and I go to sleep tonight knowing that you are there right with me.
Amen.

Helpfulness

I sadly was rocked the other day. To it simply I was questioned about my helpfulness and instead of just knowing what I know, my bitterness came out and grossness splattered out of my mouth. I at first was happy with myself b/c I had a good come back instead of just being quiet.
What i think I wish that I had was a Scripture Comeback. B/c I know that God calls us to be helpful. To help the needy/less fortunate. To not do it to be recognized, but to do it b/c He loves us so much, he helps us at all times. And so, here are some Scriptures and what they say about Helpfulness.

Luke 6:38
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

1 John 3:17
If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?

Doing Good to All
Galatians 6:2
Carry each others burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone think he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

Proverbs 19:17
He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done.

I want to cry after reading this one. I want to tattoo this on my arm.

Hebrews 6:10
God is not unjust, HE will not forget you work Christine, and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them!!

Oh, how I needed to read/hear that. You Lord know all that's going on and what's really on my mind. I don't really want to talk about this, but only really to show my actions during this time. Yes, I have sought council from like minded individuals. I have asked for prayer. I haven't freaked out and had an onset of panic attacks. I have been praying that I would rest well tonight and now allow any overwhelming to make me crazy. Is this scaring anyone? it's just a situation at work that I HAVE NO control over and have to wait until tomorrow afternoon. I am a terrible waiter. I have no patience. I usually concoct the worse things in my head to head. I am not going to do that this time. I am going to ask for God's grace time and time again. Sometimes minute by minute.

Who are all of you people?

I changed my blog a little bit around and I was shown that in the past 30 days, 76 people have read my blog? Who are you that are reading and keeping up with what I type? What started out as something to keep up with my Biggest Loser time has sprung into me journaling. I hope you guys are enjoying yourselves.

Christine

A Picture is Worth a Million Words

It is time to change my profile picture. I was looking through mine and came upon this picture. It's from my time in Brazil and it SO FITS what I have been journaling. Look at my face. I am so smiling. My hands are out strung wanting to be with the Lord.

My Time at Caribou Coffee Today:

What comes into our mind when we think about God is the most important thing about us.

A.W. Tozer

What does come to mind when I think about You, Lord? My head is floating around all of the answers and questions the right ones.

Lord,

You are my dad. You take care of me. Even when I am bad and truly when I need it. You know my thoughts even before I have them. You know my gross sloppy sins, the ones that don't want to even think about, let alone tell to you, Lord. All you want is a relationship with me. You delight in me when I converse with you. You want me to come to you about everything in my life.

Thank you Jesus for choosing to reveal Your Abba to me. Please walk with me through my ----- and my ------ - -------.

Amen.

Last Day

Today was the last day at Lowe Lane. The kids had stayed to play Uno an do some crafts. I gave Priscilla a notebook with her name on. She made me a frame and also a note telling me that she would miss me.
I am really hoping that I will be able to continue to do things at Lowe Lane with the kids.
Mom had an iron infusion today. Jenny went with her to sit. She said that she felt bad but once she got home after lunch she was sounding better. I am going into the office tomorrow to help Mom with some thins. I am hoping to lighten her load a little bit.
Soon school will be starting back. I am ready.
In the sermon this past Sunday, the pastor said that "God cares about the process that we are on." I feel that I am in the middle btw. my past and future. I know that sounds like common sense, but I feel like I am waiting for the next thing.
God just wants to be in my life. He wants to be at the center. It's easy now but once work comes back on, working 7-6 I will have to make time to be with Him. Oh, how that sounds bad. It feels bad to write it down. God should be in every move, in every word that I say.

Lord,
Help me to remember that You made me Lord. You formed me in my mothers womb. You know how many hairs I have on my head. Your son died for my sins even before I sinned. You knew that I was going to sin and you forgave and loved me anyway. You give me unconditional love. How can I forget all of that? how can I keep you at bay or just talk to you when needed?
Prayer is what we are talking about in church. We were told about Prayer Cards. Index cards that have names and stats on them. Not full sentences but words and scriptures to remind us how to pray. My thing is, if I don't journal or talk to you Lord daily, then there is a small percent of chance that I will go through these cards. I know that sounds bad. And so I am going to start small.