I love my church, but I do also miss listening to Andy Stanley every week preach. I have listened to the sermon, Love, Sex, and Dating numerous times. One the fourth part, he talks about practical things to do before dating/getting married.
1. Address unresolved childhood issues.
Become a whole and healthy person
2. Get out of debt.
3. Break bad habits. Greta things get better, bad things get worse.
whole person looking for a whole person
4. Postpone physical relationship ALAP. As long as possible.
Your looking for the one, not everyone. Self-control before marriage, self control during marriage.
5. Avoid living together.
6. Be involved in church.
Wisdom to know what to do with what we have heard. Honor you with our singleness.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tired
I am tired today. I am emotionally tired. I have told a couple of friends that it feels like it's only going to take one thing to put me over the edge. Put me over the edge and start crying. It was trying today. A couple of times it could have been that one thing, but it didn't. For the last couple of days I have just come home tired and feeling like I am going to cry. I so want to just cry and get it over with. Things aren't that bad. I should be and am thankful for things that are going on. Really nothing has been that different. The same children have had been having a hard time. The same children have been trying on my patience. I was as lonely and wanting a date as last week. I get paid this weekend so i can go and get my car fixed. I have been excited about going to Joyce Meyer this weekend then next weekend I have a really nice getaway from church. All of the women are going North to cabins and just being with each other and God. So, what is my problem? Am I just tired?
Lord,
Oh Lord, I am tired. Why do I want to cry so bad? What is it that is bothering me really? Why can't I put it into words but just want to show it with tears? Whatever it is, I GIVE it to you. You know what's going on with me and I lay it at your feet. I want your help in fixing/changing/whatever it is, I give it to you and ask you to do it. I love you Lord. Thank you for taking care of me. What would I do without you?
Amen.
Lord,
Oh Lord, I am tired. Why do I want to cry so bad? What is it that is bothering me really? Why can't I put it into words but just want to show it with tears? Whatever it is, I GIVE it to you. You know what's going on with me and I lay it at your feet. I want your help in fixing/changing/whatever it is, I give it to you and ask you to do it. I love you Lord. Thank you for taking care of me. What would I do without you?
Amen.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Seed and Yeast
Oh how God is good. No, you don't think He has been listening to you or hears anything that you have to say, and BAM! he shows how wrong that you are. Today at church was on Luke 13:18-21. It was done by one of my favorites pastors, even if we only have three and I like them all. We are doing the whole book of Luke for about a year. Usually it is nice to know that you are going to be turning to Luke when you sit down to get ready for the sermon.
Well, today was on Seed and Yeast, Luke 13: 18-21. It's short and talks about a mustard seed. You know, one of those tiny tiny seeds that you wouldn't even see on the ground. How God is not in a hurry. God is gradual in planting the seed and growing it. We are the impatient ones. I could feel him looking at me when he said it. I know I am impatient. I am impatient in the car when people are going slow, I am impatient about God bringing me someone to date/love. At night I have been praying before I go to bed. Usually don't make a point to talk to the Lord as a fall asleep but have been for the last couple of days. I pour my heart out to Him. Once I start it just starts to come out. But, the thing is, it's been the same thing I pray about. I think it's the one thing that's always on my heart and I just act like I am okay with most of the time. I pour out that I am impatient and I know that He is doing things, but I am tired of waiting. I am tired of being excited about people who are pregnant. I don't even want a baby, I want someone to hold my hand! And so when I really allow myself to be honest with myself and God, I tell him that I am lonely. He has been showing me that He is there with me until He brings me my husband. Even as I am sitting here at Starbucks, typing this and listening to Joyce Meyer, the one that I just chose to listen to is Jealousy and Greed.
And after the mustard seed comes the Yeast. The leaven bread. How you must use a little leaven bread (moldy but needed) to put into what you are now making. At first I thought it was something else. I used the big picture to think about something else and then the preacher talked about how Jesus is the leaven bread. Once it's in the new yeast, smushing itself, it grows. It grows like the mustard seed and brings it to be it. It grows and becomes the new bread. that's us with God. We have him in our life, we allow him control and then we see him in us. So, at the end of the sermon and on the back of our paper, it gave questions to ask ourselves. I had already looked at the questions and here are some of them.
1. Take a few minutes and reflect on your life. About what things/areas can you say, "it is inexplicable, He must have done it!"?
2. What so you sense your current need for spiritual growth chiefly lies?
3. Spend some time in prayer thanking Him for what He has already done in your life and heart....Now entrust Him with what change is yet to come.
And so, here is what I think about the questions. I should be more thankful. I can list the things in my life where it just had to be God. I had a friend in college, I didn't know her but became quick friends when we both failed a much needed class. I failed it b/c my fiancee had been to infatuated with my fiancee and was at his beck and call when he came in town or was on the phone. She had the same bad relationship and we then had to take a class in order to graduate and God brought me that friend. He brought me a glimpse of what He could do in my life if I had given him control.
What about Guatemala? I was sick with a parasite and the doctor didn't speak English. It just so happened the the doctors wife came in to help me and translated for me when I went back in.
Brazil. I met a dear friend Hadassah that had been in a bad relationship like me and we prayed for our future husbands dearly and strongly in a bus going the road.
Even these days. I am having car problems. I don't have the money to get it fixed yet and it is by the grace of God that I have Jenny, my dear sister and she allows me to ride with her to school and allows me to use her car to go to church.
Instead of watching TV for hours, I have switched to reading or listening to a sermon online. I am not saying it's been perfect and I might not go home and watch a couple of thing on the church. But, I have been making better choices. I have a sin that keeps coming up every so often and instead of allowing it to burden me and partake in it all of the time, I have been doing other things instead.
I could go on and on. The old Christine would have been hanging her head low and feeling defeated about my bills. About how I react to things. But, with giving God control, I can hold my head high and know that i am doing everything that I possibly can about it.
There is a peace that I know when I trust in God. that's what Joyce Meyer just said. It can't be just a one time thing or a thing where I am trusting only when craziness ensues. There is always times of craziness. The devil wants to get at me quickly b/c I am no longer controlled by him.
So, sitting here at Starbucks and listening to Joyce Meyer and typing. I am looking around at the different sorts or people here, I still giving control over to you lord.
Lord,
Thank you so much for everything that you have done in my life. The things that I have hated you for and the things that I didn't even know that I needed. Oh, how I need you in my life. I need you more than I realize. Sometimes like today I get glimpses and I want to fall on my knees and thank you. Thank you for always taking care of me. If I think/really know that You have always taken care of me, than why don't I think that you will take care of the other bits and pieces. The things that I SO desperately would love to have. It's in your time and not mine. Even though it's SO hard at times, I give you it Lord. I give you my life and what you will do in it.
Amen.
Well, today was on Seed and Yeast, Luke 13: 18-21. It's short and talks about a mustard seed. You know, one of those tiny tiny seeds that you wouldn't even see on the ground. How God is not in a hurry. God is gradual in planting the seed and growing it. We are the impatient ones. I could feel him looking at me when he said it. I know I am impatient. I am impatient in the car when people are going slow, I am impatient about God bringing me someone to date/love. At night I have been praying before I go to bed. Usually don't make a point to talk to the Lord as a fall asleep but have been for the last couple of days. I pour my heart out to Him. Once I start it just starts to come out. But, the thing is, it's been the same thing I pray about. I think it's the one thing that's always on my heart and I just act like I am okay with most of the time. I pour out that I am impatient and I know that He is doing things, but I am tired of waiting. I am tired of being excited about people who are pregnant. I don't even want a baby, I want someone to hold my hand! And so when I really allow myself to be honest with myself and God, I tell him that I am lonely. He has been showing me that He is there with me until He brings me my husband. Even as I am sitting here at Starbucks, typing this and listening to Joyce Meyer, the one that I just chose to listen to is Jealousy and Greed.
And after the mustard seed comes the Yeast. The leaven bread. How you must use a little leaven bread (moldy but needed) to put into what you are now making. At first I thought it was something else. I used the big picture to think about something else and then the preacher talked about how Jesus is the leaven bread. Once it's in the new yeast, smushing itself, it grows. It grows like the mustard seed and brings it to be it. It grows and becomes the new bread. that's us with God. We have him in our life, we allow him control and then we see him in us. So, at the end of the sermon and on the back of our paper, it gave questions to ask ourselves. I had already looked at the questions and here are some of them.
1. Take a few minutes and reflect on your life. About what things/areas can you say, "it is inexplicable, He must have done it!"?
2. What so you sense your current need for spiritual growth chiefly lies?
3. Spend some time in prayer thanking Him for what He has already done in your life and heart....Now entrust Him with what change is yet to come.
And so, here is what I think about the questions. I should be more thankful. I can list the things in my life where it just had to be God. I had a friend in college, I didn't know her but became quick friends when we both failed a much needed class. I failed it b/c my fiancee had been to infatuated with my fiancee and was at his beck and call when he came in town or was on the phone. She had the same bad relationship and we then had to take a class in order to graduate and God brought me that friend. He brought me a glimpse of what He could do in my life if I had given him control.
What about Guatemala? I was sick with a parasite and the doctor didn't speak English. It just so happened the the doctors wife came in to help me and translated for me when I went back in.
Brazil. I met a dear friend Hadassah that had been in a bad relationship like me and we prayed for our future husbands dearly and strongly in a bus going the road.
Even these days. I am having car problems. I don't have the money to get it fixed yet and it is by the grace of God that I have Jenny, my dear sister and she allows me to ride with her to school and allows me to use her car to go to church.
Instead of watching TV for hours, I have switched to reading or listening to a sermon online. I am not saying it's been perfect and I might not go home and watch a couple of thing on the church. But, I have been making better choices. I have a sin that keeps coming up every so often and instead of allowing it to burden me and partake in it all of the time, I have been doing other things instead.
I could go on and on. The old Christine would have been hanging her head low and feeling defeated about my bills. About how I react to things. But, with giving God control, I can hold my head high and know that i am doing everything that I possibly can about it.
There is a peace that I know when I trust in God. that's what Joyce Meyer just said. It can't be just a one time thing or a thing where I am trusting only when craziness ensues. There is always times of craziness. The devil wants to get at me quickly b/c I am no longer controlled by him.
So, sitting here at Starbucks and listening to Joyce Meyer and typing. I am looking around at the different sorts or people here, I still giving control over to you lord.
Lord,
Thank you so much for everything that you have done in my life. The things that I have hated you for and the things that I didn't even know that I needed. Oh, how I need you in my life. I need you more than I realize. Sometimes like today I get glimpses and I want to fall on my knees and thank you. Thank you for always taking care of me. If I think/really know that You have always taken care of me, than why don't I think that you will take care of the other bits and pieces. The things that I SO desperately would love to have. It's in your time and not mine. Even though it's SO hard at times, I give you it Lord. I give you my life and what you will do in it.
Amen.
37.5 MG review
Okay, well I have been on the change in prescription for about two weeks. I am thinking it's been about two weeks, it could have been a month or just a week. As I said a couple of blogs ago, I went back to the doctor and talked about changing my medicine down. Down to only half way and it has been working for me. I think that the change in work and just changes that have been going on in my prayer life and my relationship with God has been a good thing. It's not all about the medicine but me as a person. I am happy. Not all of the time, but I know that God has my back in the times when I am not.
Garage Sale
You can tell a lot about a person from what they are selling at their Garage Sale.
Our books: Christian self-helps and lots of non-fiction fairytale princess meets her night and shining armour, live happily ever after books.
Then you see the clothes no longer fir or the dresses that you just had to get for a special occasion that at the garage sale you sell for $1 b.c it's on a hanger. The prom dress that will so be a wonderful Quince dress for a young girl.
And so this one is different there will not be a "put it back into the garage" moment. We are dropping off the clothes and small items to Goodwill. Before we take the books that are for a quarter that we just had to read, I am taking them to a used bookstore to see if we can get any store credit. They called yesterday and said that we have $125 in credit and that they took 80 % of the books that we had brought in.
Again how I didn't realize in time that the library is FREE!! And I felt that I had to show everyone and keep all of the books, like an adornment of how smart that I am. How wrong was I?
And news from the sale is that we will be able to get a tank of gas down to Florida in Feb for the Disney Princess races. Which really means that we need to start training. I could say, oh, anyone can do a 5K and so I don't have to worry about it and train. I did that once for a race. I had done some 5K's and had been no much at the gym and tried to do a half marathon. It didn't work out that well for me.
Our books: Christian self-helps and lots of non-fiction fairytale princess meets her night and shining armour, live happily ever after books.
Then you see the clothes no longer fir or the dresses that you just had to get for a special occasion that at the garage sale you sell for $1 b.c it's on a hanger. The prom dress that will so be a wonderful Quince dress for a young girl.
And so this one is different there will not be a "put it back into the garage" moment. We are dropping off the clothes and small items to Goodwill. Before we take the books that are for a quarter that we just had to read, I am taking them to a used bookstore to see if we can get any store credit. They called yesterday and said that we have $125 in credit and that they took 80 % of the books that we had brought in.
Again how I didn't realize in time that the library is FREE!! And I felt that I had to show everyone and keep all of the books, like an adornment of how smart that I am. How wrong was I?
And news from the sale is that we will be able to get a tank of gas down to Florida in Feb for the Disney Princess races. Which really means that we need to start training. I could say, oh, anyone can do a 5K and so I don't have to worry about it and train. I did that once for a race. I had done some 5K's and had been no much at the gym and tried to do a half marathon. It didn't work out that well for me.
What did you do on your September break?
I have found that I can't be a Jersey Housewife. After cleaning, reading, making 2 baby blankets, and starting a huge project making my race shirts into a quilt, I need to work. That was all done by Tuesday and I had the rest of the week! I also know that even at the times that I don't want to leave the house, I need to leave the house at least once a day. Depression would creep up it's ugly face O'So quickly. So, it was a blessing that my wonderful friends needed an overnight babysitter for her daughter. I got to get out of mind of doing nothing and got out of the house. It was also a reminder that I need to be thankful for my singleness b/c at times I usually want to go to the bathroom by myself and want to watch what I want on TV. I also have been to the library twice this week. I am slowly getting through a Beth Moore book. I am loving some Amish books by Beverly Lewis. It's b/c of me that there is none at your local libraries. The simple life fascinates me. They just have different things that they have to think about. I really like reading about the mating rituals? That doesn't sound right, but the way the Amish go about meeting and dating. Really they don't date. They hang out and then they don't tell anyone that they are together until a month before their wedding. And then they tell the whole church about it.
What else? I am really trying to consciously have quiet Jesus time this week. When you have the time you can't sit still and while during work you pray for time alone with Him.
What else? I am really trying to consciously have quiet Jesus time this week. When you have the time you can't sit still and while during work you pray for time alone with Him.
Friday, September 23, 2011
So Long Insecurity
So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore
Ending
My father in heaven,
I thank you for breath this day to give you praise.
I thank you for a life where nothing is wasted,
a life where pain turns into purpose and Your providence assigns a personal destiny.
You will never allow anything in my path
that can't bring You glory or me and those around me good.
No matter what this day holds,
I am clothed with strength to overcome every obstacle and all oppression
b/c I belong to Jesus Christ, and His Spirit lives within me.
You, Lord, are my security.
No one and nothing can take You from me.
You will keep my foot from being caught in a trap.
I choose to turn my back on fear b/c You are right here with me.
I can smile over the days to come b/c Your plan for me is good and right.
My heart is steadfast, trusting in You, Lord.
In the end, I will look in triumph on my foes.
Because of You,
I, Christine, am secure. In Jesus' triumphant name,
Amen.
Ending
My father in heaven,
I thank you for breath this day to give you praise.
I thank you for a life where nothing is wasted,
a life where pain turns into purpose and Your providence assigns a personal destiny.
You will never allow anything in my path
that can't bring You glory or me and those around me good.
No matter what this day holds,
I am clothed with strength to overcome every obstacle and all oppression
b/c I belong to Jesus Christ, and His Spirit lives within me.
You, Lord, are my security.
No one and nothing can take You from me.
You will keep my foot from being caught in a trap.
I choose to turn my back on fear b/c You are right here with me.
I can smile over the days to come b/c Your plan for me is good and right.
My heart is steadfast, trusting in You, Lord.
In the end, I will look in triumph on my foes.
Because of You,
I, Christine, am secure. In Jesus' triumphant name,
Amen.
Galatians 5:26
We will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.
The Message
The Message
Hebrews 10:35-36
Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
Psalm
Psalm 139 1-6 13-17
O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down and or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I am far away. You see when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
....You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before i was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!
O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down and or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I am far away. You see when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
....You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before i was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I have some good friends.
I didn't grow up in church. I don't remember going to church until I was in college. After that, my relationship with my Heavenly Father has just gotten better. Oh, even though I wasn't sitting in the pews, God was bringing himself to me when I was younger and even older. One thing he gave me was a Christian friend in high school. She invited me to sleep overs and we did things at church. It was the first time that I sat in a living room and heard someone reading the bible and talking about it.
Another thing she brought to me was Seeds of Family Worship. She gave me a couple of CD's and then I bought some more for my Ipod. While training for a half marathon, I listened and listened to those cd's. You should check it out if you have young children or would like to learn more Scriptures from the Bible. They are songs that are sung straight from Bible Scriptures.
This above is one of the songs that I listened to. So, when I saw this on Pinterest, it was not read, but sang when I put it up there. It was a reminder that God has been there throughout my life. It was also showing that he has brought me good friends to share himself through them.
Jesus, oh how that is me. You and control over my life? Oh, how the word control has come up every now and then in my life. I want to have control. I want to be again, in control and then it will be my fault if it goes wrong, it will be my fault if it goes right because I will have done everything that I could possibly done. Control also gives up timing. If I give you control than I have no idea when things will happen. I like to make lists and dos and don't so if I give you my wants and dreams, then how will I know they will come true when I want them to? Man, how that's how I have and a lot of other people have thought and feel. Giving control also means that it hasn't happened not b/c I am not good enough or haven't done something and that's why it hasn't happened. B/c I have had a list. I have gone over the list and have gone over it with God too. (Isn't that a little controlling?) Telling God, when I do this this and this, then you can give me the man of my dreams. But, the real thing is that I have had the man of my dreams. I have had the fairy tale engagement and party and it was not what it cracked up to be. It wasn't what God had for me. He kept trying to tell me that but I was so infatuated with having someone telling me good things about me, that I was willing to not have what God wanted for me. And so, even though it's hard. Even though I pray before going to bed about it, God knows. He knows b/c he has shown me in little and big ways throughout my life that what HE has planned for me is so much better than what I tried to have.
I have been praying to God about His timing alot lately. Some of my prayers before I fall asleep have been When God? prayers. Here I am, I think I am ready. Wouldn't God want to help one of his hurting sheep? Of course he does, but God also knows that what I want may not be what I truly need at this time.
What does delighting in the Lord mean? It means not laying in your bed and feeling sorry for yourself. It means not living your life and just sitting and waiting for Prince Charming or for Mr. Right to come through the door. God has been giving the desires of my heart. I love to give Love. I love being one on one with others and learning about them. If you look at my work this year, that's what I have been doing. In after school I have to take one of my kids to the restroom. I have him from 2:30 until usually 5:45. When he can't get out that he is mad, sad, or glad, I am there to hug him and to bring him back to having fun. So, if the Lord brings a turn around in my work place, then why don't I believe that God will do that in my love life?
Listening
Listening to Andy Stanley on the 3 out of 4 sermon at Starbucks. How on the way to Starbucks I thought of all of the things that I could be doing or starting instead of having quiet time. Quiet time consisting of listening to this as I type. Thinking about how so I would like a date and so how I would like to just hold hands with someone. I know some people who read this might be in a bad relationship. They might be going through a divorce or have been with their significant other for so long that they don't remember a first kiss or a first touch on the shoulder while walking to the car. But, here I am listening to Andy talk about Sex. Yep, Sex. What has God intended for it? For a married couple. Not a getting married or we are living together couple. No, for on the wedding night and there after. Why am I even typing about this? I don't know. I think that once I am in a relationship, listening to this and will remind me when the time comes about it.
Monday, September 19, 2011
It's been a while
Yeah, it's been a while since I have blogged. I haven't been journaling a lot but I have been reading. Not so much non fiction, but fictional stories. I am loving the Amish tales of Beverly Lewis.
My friend Jackie and I have decided to not a do a Bible Study, but a study on Philippians. Study meaning that we are going to slowly go through it.
So, I have the week off of school. Each day I have something to do. A dinner with a friend to catch up on things, dinner with another friend to catch up on other things. Jenny and I are having a garage sale over at Mom's house on Friday and Saturday. We have everything ready from the last one, we will just have to sweep the driveway and put up a couple of other signs. I have even more clothes and books from the last one. We are going to donate the rest of the things to Goodwill and not hold on to things for this coming summer.
Also, this past weekend at church we had a sermon on Rest. Really a sermon on Sabbath. What do to and not to do kind of. This is what I wrote down.
Sabbath is one whole day. Not just a couple of hours here and there. It's a whole day to unplug.
Sabbath is a day for refilling.
Rushing all through the week takes away things and this is the time to come back to God and sit.
God wants to take the things off of you that others put on.
Rest is oxygen for my heart.
And so I have a week of rest. I could be watching tv and playing on Farmville, or I can just be resting. Sleeping more, reading the books that I have had to read in a basket downstairs, and I can have conversations with the Lord by just being quiet and still. You can't be quiet and still while working 11 hour days. You can for about 20 minutes during lunch time and then you get back to work or think/make lists about what I need to do.
Joyce Meyer is coming to the Qwinnett Arena next weekend. Oh, how I love Joyce. I have in the past not liked her b/c I think she is frank and I didn't want frankness even though that's what I need the most. I have been listening to her broadcasts today and yesterday while I was doing things on the computer. I a little while ago googled Andy Stanley, who I loved listening to at North Point when I attended there. The first thing that came up was the sermons about The New Rules for Sex, Love, and Dating. Is that so not what I needed to hear? So as I am typing I am listening to Andy talk about dating. I am on the second part, but I its really good.
www.northpoint.org/messages
It's The New Rules for Sex, Love, and Dating.
My friend Jackie and I have decided to not a do a Bible Study, but a study on Philippians. Study meaning that we are going to slowly go through it.
So, I have the week off of school. Each day I have something to do. A dinner with a friend to catch up on things, dinner with another friend to catch up on other things. Jenny and I are having a garage sale over at Mom's house on Friday and Saturday. We have everything ready from the last one, we will just have to sweep the driveway and put up a couple of other signs. I have even more clothes and books from the last one. We are going to donate the rest of the things to Goodwill and not hold on to things for this coming summer.
Also, this past weekend at church we had a sermon on Rest. Really a sermon on Sabbath. What do to and not to do kind of. This is what I wrote down.
Sabbath is one whole day. Not just a couple of hours here and there. It's a whole day to unplug.
Sabbath is a day for refilling.
Rushing all through the week takes away things and this is the time to come back to God and sit.
God wants to take the things off of you that others put on.
Rest is oxygen for my heart.
And so I have a week of rest. I could be watching tv and playing on Farmville, or I can just be resting. Sleeping more, reading the books that I have had to read in a basket downstairs, and I can have conversations with the Lord by just being quiet and still. You can't be quiet and still while working 11 hour days. You can for about 20 minutes during lunch time and then you get back to work or think/make lists about what I need to do.
Joyce Meyer is coming to the Qwinnett Arena next weekend. Oh, how I love Joyce. I have in the past not liked her b/c I think she is frank and I didn't want frankness even though that's what I need the most. I have been listening to her broadcasts today and yesterday while I was doing things on the computer. I a little while ago googled Andy Stanley, who I loved listening to at North Point when I attended there. The first thing that came up was the sermons about The New Rules for Sex, Love, and Dating. Is that so not what I needed to hear? So as I am typing I am listening to Andy talk about dating. I am on the second part, but I its really good.
www.northpoint.org/messages
It's The New Rules for Sex, Love, and Dating.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
This isn't me anymore
From: Lies Women Believe by Nancy Lee De Moss
By constantly blaming others, blaming circumstances, and blaming God, I found myself totally irresponsible for my life, my sins, and my choices-and then I was trapped and felt helpless and out of control.
Oh, how I just read that in my book and that goes along with today. I have blamed my issues of my father, on my childhood, sadly on my mother, on my old relationships. Everyone and everything other than me. But that's Old Christine. This new Christ-like Christine is admitting her faults and asking for forgiveness. My childhood was my childhood. Who I am is because of it. I can not change that some others in my family did not have the same. Some did not have a mother that would finish at work and then take us along for another job in the evenings. They didn't have a job at 16 and worked at times two jobs while changing positions at Harris Teeter and Hollywood Video. I have worked for my first car, a beat up 1986 Buick that I had to stop halfway to school each day to let "her cool down." I worked a summer, losing weight in the sun, helping my father pack and move houses throughout Ga, North Caroline and South Carolina. That was the summer before after my senior year and I made $2500 an used it to put a down payment on a Ford Contour that was the nicest car I ever seen. That was also the summer that my boyfriend dumped me b/c I was on the road too much and also b/c I wouldn't sleep with him. (that is for another story) Have you ever wondered what you call your ex-boyfriends and boyfriends? All of mine have been known as the first and last name. I was engaged to Michael Todd, not just a guy named Michael. That dude that dumped me after I wouldn't go all of the way with him, was Bobby Law. Maybe I will know who my husband will be when he is known only for his first name. Back to the beginning of the entry, I was and am only saying that bitterness can keep you away from the life that God wants to you to live for Him. And I am not going to be bitter any longer.
By constantly blaming others, blaming circumstances, and blaming God, I found myself totally irresponsible for my life, my sins, and my choices-and then I was trapped and felt helpless and out of control.
Oh, how I just read that in my book and that goes along with today. I have blamed my issues of my father, on my childhood, sadly on my mother, on my old relationships. Everyone and everything other than me. But that's Old Christine. This new Christ-like Christine is admitting her faults and asking for forgiveness. My childhood was my childhood. Who I am is because of it. I can not change that some others in my family did not have the same. Some did not have a mother that would finish at work and then take us along for another job in the evenings. They didn't have a job at 16 and worked at times two jobs while changing positions at Harris Teeter and Hollywood Video. I have worked for my first car, a beat up 1986 Buick that I had to stop halfway to school each day to let "her cool down." I worked a summer, losing weight in the sun, helping my father pack and move houses throughout Ga, North Caroline and South Carolina. That was the summer before after my senior year and I made $2500 an used it to put a down payment on a Ford Contour that was the nicest car I ever seen. That was also the summer that my boyfriend dumped me b/c I was on the road too much and also b/c I wouldn't sleep with him. (that is for another story) Have you ever wondered what you call your ex-boyfriends and boyfriends? All of mine have been known as the first and last name. I was engaged to Michael Todd, not just a guy named Michael. That dude that dumped me after I wouldn't go all of the way with him, was Bobby Law. Maybe I will know who my husband will be when he is known only for his first name. Back to the beginning of the entry, I was and am only saying that bitterness can keep you away from the life that God wants to you to live for Him. And I am not going to be bitter any longer.
The righteous
The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.
Psalm 34:19
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 34:19
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
Lies
Lies: What we do with them.
Listen to it.
Dwell on it.
Believe it.
Act on it.
I you want to know what God is really like, you need to turn to the Word of God.
Do we really believe that God is enough or are we looking to other things/people to fill other empty places of our hearts?
Lately, more than ever I have questioned or wondered about that. I don't need a drink at Starbucks or need a good book or Bible Study. This year has been showing me that there is no need to second guess myself or to always have to ask someone else about what they feel on a situation.
Gossip is another things that I don't struggle with. yes, it' there but there is no wondering is someone will tell or take the wrong way the things that I have said. Old Christine used to be having panic attacks and binge eating about not being able to pay bill and car being broken.
1. I work all of the time
2. I am NOT buying crap.
3. I have wonderful Jenny who will carpool with me and said that she honestly doesn't even mind.
4. I lay my head down at night, without anxiety b/c I know that I have done all that I can today and God will do the rest. Oh, again if I would have had this Christ freedom long ago. All I can do is live today and know that God loves me and He knows the plans He has for me............
Listen to it.
Dwell on it.
Believe it.
Act on it.
I you want to know what God is really like, you need to turn to the Word of God.
Do we really believe that God is enough or are we looking to other things/people to fill other empty places of our hearts?
Lately, more than ever I have questioned or wondered about that. I don't need a drink at Starbucks or need a good book or Bible Study. This year has been showing me that there is no need to second guess myself or to always have to ask someone else about what they feel on a situation.
Gossip is another things that I don't struggle with. yes, it' there but there is no wondering is someone will tell or take the wrong way the things that I have said. Old Christine used to be having panic attacks and binge eating about not being able to pay bill and car being broken.
1. I work all of the time
2. I am NOT buying crap.
3. I have wonderful Jenny who will carpool with me and said that she honestly doesn't even mind.
4. I lay my head down at night, without anxiety b/c I know that I have done all that I can today and God will do the rest. Oh, again if I would have had this Christ freedom long ago. All I can do is live today and know that God loves me and He knows the plans He has for me............
Guard
Guard my mind:
Choose the input I allow into my life and reject that which promotes ungodly thinking.
Choose the input I allow into my life and reject that which promotes ungodly thinking.
No idea what the Title should be
Of course today would be a silly, not crazy day with the kids. Of course when I am going to the doctors for a check-up on my medicine. Yesterday a tornado flew by out house. I was in the bathroom (yes, the bathroom) and then watched out the window as two neighbor's garage cans went down in the street in the air. We are missing shingles and one other thing. We didn't have power from 3 until 11 at night. We halfway talked about driving to Mom's house. I opened my window and lay ed in the bed. I was getting a headache b/c the neighbor decided to cook out and it stunk. That with having no air/fan use, made for a almost hard time.
I have a fan at my desk. I have the air on in the car most of the time. I have a fan in my room that's blaring at wherever i am at in the room while I sleep. When I start ti get anxious, I always get hot. So, you don't know how much you become accustomed to it until it's out and there is NO wind. I lay ed with my head at the window, praying to God to bring some wind. There was a wind at times, bu I had to just keep breathing. Like, Dora, "Just keep swimming." I "just keep breathing." I remembered and told Jenny that it reminded me of Guatemala. I had a balcony that I could stand outside. I would on the nights where I was sick and couldn't fall asleep. Guatemalans have no air conditioning b/c they really don't need it. There isn't heat and a cool breeze always comes in. Not like last night when I was yearning for some breeze to blow into the window. Anxiety or any of it's ugly symptoms didn't arise at all last night. And today with my kids seeming to have forgotten all that we have taught them in not calling out, I am STILL GOOD. More than good b/c I have not look of anxiety symptoms at all. I am grateful for it. Especially b/c I have my doctor's appoint and want to talk about lowering my dosage on my anxiety meds.
Thursday afternoon:
At Starbucks typing this in and wanted to write about what happened at the doctors. It was one of those visits that she was running late and I waited longer than she had talked to me. She took my blood pressure which when I was fatter it was high and I had to take medicine. It was good and then I asked her about lowering the dose. We both said, "not to zero" at the same time. We decided on taking half lower, which is 37.5. She gave me a prescription and told me to come back in 60 days. I would know in two weeks if that dosage was good enough and to call if I needed to go back up.
I was catching up with a friend and had asked her pray for my doctor's apt. She didn't remember that I take anxiety medicine. I think it's like having alcoholism. Even if I don't drink (have panic attacks), I still have anxiety. I will always have anxiety. I have had to face that fact and I have. There are times when I have had my dosage really high and at times I didn't even take medicine. Today was my first day with my lower dosage. It went well. I am going to keep praying about it and just take life as it comes.
I have a fan at my desk. I have the air on in the car most of the time. I have a fan in my room that's blaring at wherever i am at in the room while I sleep. When I start ti get anxious, I always get hot. So, you don't know how much you become accustomed to it until it's out and there is NO wind. I lay ed with my head at the window, praying to God to bring some wind. There was a wind at times, bu I had to just keep breathing. Like, Dora, "Just keep swimming." I "just keep breathing." I remembered and told Jenny that it reminded me of Guatemala. I had a balcony that I could stand outside. I would on the nights where I was sick and couldn't fall asleep. Guatemalans have no air conditioning b/c they really don't need it. There isn't heat and a cool breeze always comes in. Not like last night when I was yearning for some breeze to blow into the window. Anxiety or any of it's ugly symptoms didn't arise at all last night. And today with my kids seeming to have forgotten all that we have taught them in not calling out, I am STILL GOOD. More than good b/c I have not look of anxiety symptoms at all. I am grateful for it. Especially b/c I have my doctor's appoint and want to talk about lowering my dosage on my anxiety meds.
Thursday afternoon:
At Starbucks typing this in and wanted to write about what happened at the doctors. It was one of those visits that she was running late and I waited longer than she had talked to me. She took my blood pressure which when I was fatter it was high and I had to take medicine. It was good and then I asked her about lowering the dose. We both said, "not to zero" at the same time. We decided on taking half lower, which is 37.5. She gave me a prescription and told me to come back in 60 days. I would know in two weeks if that dosage was good enough and to call if I needed to go back up.
I was catching up with a friend and had asked her pray for my doctor's apt. She didn't remember that I take anxiety medicine. I think it's like having alcoholism. Even if I don't drink (have panic attacks), I still have anxiety. I will always have anxiety. I have had to face that fact and I have. There are times when I have had my dosage really high and at times I didn't even take medicine. Today was my first day with my lower dosage. It went well. I am going to keep praying about it and just take life as it comes.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
And then I open again
Here I am again typing. I just read Lisa Whelchel's The Facts of Life and other things my Father taught me. I was at the library last time and went to the religious section like I always do. I saw her book and flipped through it. I knew that I should read it when I saw in one chapter something about....."I waited long enough and God gave me my husband." Well, it was a little about her family and such, but what I got most out of it was when she spoke about what she watched and reads. I have read books as you know and they usually at some point speak about what you are spending your time doing instead of spending it with God. Well, I don't know why this particular book go to me and the others didn't, but I was questioning the books and the TV shows that I watch. The books even for a quick read. Remember I won that wonderful huge tote bag full of things? Well, it was filled with about 5-6 books that I usually wouldn't read. Authors that have at least one sex scene or romantic part that I don't want to read. I think you could leave out the sultry of him unbuttoning her blouse and just tell the story without those kinds of times. So, that's why I usually read a different kind of nonfiction and fiction books. But, I got a series book and a friend from work noticed it and said that she had another book in the series that I should read first. Well, I read it and it totally had the scenes in it. And with what I was reading with Lisa Whechel, it got the thinking of what I read and what I watch. People hate The Jersey Show. I love it. Not enough that I have to stay up to watch it on whatever night it comes on. But, if there is a marathon going on or it's on I will choose it. I don't think that it's good. It's laughable and at times it doesn't even seem real. But, God has opened my eyes or really questioned my eyes on what I am watching. That show along with other reality shows that I LOVE! make sex before marriage, fighting, crude language just a thing that everyone does. Even though it is things that everyone does, it doesn't mean that I should be doing it. Or watching it. You can tell if I have had a bad day or I am going to pull the it's that time of the month saying to say that I have flung around some curse words like it's no big thing. Usually to the people that I know won't judge or have a problem with me. My mom and Jenny have been known to call me out on it, but I still like to voice my concerns/what's bothering me with a big FU. God is calling me to work on it. He wants to be act like I am with him at all times b/c He is with me at all times. And so I have read 1 out of the 3 books for the Reading Bowl and got a bunch of others to re-read or to delve in again. I am the girl that always has a book she is reading in her purse or in her bag. I will also try my best to remember the types of programs that I am watching on TV. What I am staying up later for when I could be in bed or I could be spending that time listening to something better for me.
God Help me.
God Help me.
No church Sunday
Why do I go to the nosiest places in order to have quiet time? I am splurging and getting a pedicure today and then was going to Starbucks for some quiet time. But, they don't open for a while so I am at Starbucks. It's busy but I am thinking that I will type how I am feeling now rather than what I usually do. I usually write in my journal and then that's when you see a bunch of posts at the the same time b/c I just copied from my journal. Sometimes or really all of the time it helps to write down how I am feeling or what I am reading. Man, I have been doing a lot of reading. Jenny and I went to the library and my card has been used so many times that I had to get a whole new one!
I am helping, or I asked if I could help with the Reading Bowl at school. I think I wrote before that 3-5 graders read as much as they can from 17 books and then go to a school and answer questions about them. My friend had her daughter in it last year and our school was said to do pretty well. They had thought that it would be not random but generic questions about the book, who the people were, themes, but they found that it was more about the little things in the books. So, I was told that the kids would begin meeting weekly after Christmas break and then they would choose the real 5 or 6 that would be in the bowl. Well, after my reading so many books this summer, you would think that I would be tired but I wasn't. I wasn't keeping count, but noticed that I had read the books from the our school library and there were some I hadn't. I printed off the list and now know that I have read 13 out of the 17 books already! When I went to the library on Saturday I got the last three that I would be reading b/c two books I don't think I could make myself read through. So, I am excited to help out in any way that I can with the bowl.
What else? You can tell when I am in a funk or I am questioning things by the shortness and the color of my hair. I think that at times I can't change what's going on inside or can't change things in my life, so I choose to change what I can. And so since I am trying not to buy alot of things this month and I like the longness of my hair, hair color change was the option. So, on the way home yesterday from the library I bought for $4.49 at Walgreens hair color. After watching a movie last night I put it on my hair and now I am dark brown. It's a difference and that's really what I want each time. For someone or for me to be able to notice the change. B/c I had a little bit of reddish in it, you can still see some red but it is darker brown now.
I go through wanting a tattoo and then changing my mind. Where would I put it? I already have tiny hearts on my back that even when I wear a bathing suit you can't even see them. What would I get? I know for a fact that I would get a cross. I simple one. Simple enough that it would be just two black lines. I am really thinking about on my lower ankle. You can put socks on it and it will be small enough not to notice. I have even looked on websites to get ideas and also to read about ankle tattoos. My other tattoo I got when I was again in a tiff with a boyfriend. Over my younger years, I got a tattoo, more ear piercings and a belly button ring when I broke up or was in a tiff with a guy. I know that wasn't a good thing and I think at the times I didn't consciously do it for those facts, but when I look back I can see that at the times that I got those things, I hated Guys. Or hated one guy in particular.
What also is there is that at times I think I need a date. A date on the calendar I mean to have something. I will start this eating right at the beginning of the month. I will do this on my birthday. This will happen......on this date..... What I need to realize or know is that everyday is special to God. Every day is special to God that I want to be in relationship to Him. I don't have to have a reason or a date for anything.
Well, I will close for now.
I am helping, or I asked if I could help with the Reading Bowl at school. I think I wrote before that 3-5 graders read as much as they can from 17 books and then go to a school and answer questions about them. My friend had her daughter in it last year and our school was said to do pretty well. They had thought that it would be not random but generic questions about the book, who the people were, themes, but they found that it was more about the little things in the books. So, I was told that the kids would begin meeting weekly after Christmas break and then they would choose the real 5 or 6 that would be in the bowl. Well, after my reading so many books this summer, you would think that I would be tired but I wasn't. I wasn't keeping count, but noticed that I had read the books from the our school library and there were some I hadn't. I printed off the list and now know that I have read 13 out of the 17 books already! When I went to the library on Saturday I got the last three that I would be reading b/c two books I don't think I could make myself read through. So, I am excited to help out in any way that I can with the bowl.
What else? You can tell when I am in a funk or I am questioning things by the shortness and the color of my hair. I think that at times I can't change what's going on inside or can't change things in my life, so I choose to change what I can. And so since I am trying not to buy alot of things this month and I like the longness of my hair, hair color change was the option. So, on the way home yesterday from the library I bought for $4.49 at Walgreens hair color. After watching a movie last night I put it on my hair and now I am dark brown. It's a difference and that's really what I want each time. For someone or for me to be able to notice the change. B/c I had a little bit of reddish in it, you can still see some red but it is darker brown now.
I go through wanting a tattoo and then changing my mind. Where would I put it? I already have tiny hearts on my back that even when I wear a bathing suit you can't even see them. What would I get? I know for a fact that I would get a cross. I simple one. Simple enough that it would be just two black lines. I am really thinking about on my lower ankle. You can put socks on it and it will be small enough not to notice. I have even looked on websites to get ideas and also to read about ankle tattoos. My other tattoo I got when I was again in a tiff with a boyfriend. Over my younger years, I got a tattoo, more ear piercings and a belly button ring when I broke up or was in a tiff with a guy. I know that wasn't a good thing and I think at the times I didn't consciously do it for those facts, but when I look back I can see that at the times that I got those things, I hated Guys. Or hated one guy in particular.
What also is there is that at times I think I need a date. A date on the calendar I mean to have something. I will start this eating right at the beginning of the month. I will do this on my birthday. This will happen......on this date..... What I need to realize or know is that everyday is special to God. Every day is special to God that I want to be in relationship to Him. I don't have to have a reason or a date for anything.
Well, I will close for now.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Today
Today
I don't even know what to write about. I have a list of things that I would like to do for my Labor Day Weekend. I also wasn't surprised to find that my doctor is closed for Labor Day and I have to not work ASP for the day.
Things on my list
Balls up and pay bills
Finish book and take items back to library and get more books
clean house
have meaningful quiet time
pay for Disney 5K (which means I need to begin training for it.)
do I want to change my hair color? ( I bought a box)
do Eharmony (I looked it up and it's not really free for the weekend)
I don't even know what to write about. I have a list of things that I would like to do for my Labor Day Weekend. I also wasn't surprised to find that my doctor is closed for Labor Day and I have to not work ASP for the day.
Things on my list
Balls up and pay bills
Finish book and take items back to library and get more books
clean house
have meaningful quiet time
pay for Disney 5K (which means I need to begin training for it.)
do I want to change my hair color? ( I bought a box)
do Eharmony (I looked it up and it's not really free for the weekend)
Salt
Sometimes God wants us to be salt.
It's never the main point.
It's not a defining moment.
It's just what you use.
Sometimes God just wants to use us. I just feel like that. That I am just going to work and then going home only to do the same the next day.
Matthew 5:13
You are here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?
Authenticity means being honest about our struggles, knowing in that honest, God will meet us and transform us. Lord, that's so what I want to be. I want to be honest about being guilty of wanting something that I don't have. Being jealous. Jealous of others relationship and marriages, when all that I want to be is to be one. Do I not believe that you have my life, you are in control? That it's not about the deserving it or being ready, it's about you Lord. Help me to find comfort in you. I am asking for patience and help while I wait. Where is He Lord? When am I going to be with him? What do I need to do, if anything? B/c I am lonely and it's hard being alone. I put on a brave face, but help me to be patient and to be with you.
Amen
God lives in the struggle. It's there we find Him.
It's never the main point.
It's not a defining moment.
It's just what you use.
Sometimes God just wants to use us. I just feel like that. That I am just going to work and then going home only to do the same the next day.
Matthew 5:13
You are here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?
Authenticity means being honest about our struggles, knowing in that honest, God will meet us and transform us. Lord, that's so what I want to be. I want to be honest about being guilty of wanting something that I don't have. Being jealous. Jealous of others relationship and marriages, when all that I want to be is to be one. Do I not believe that you have my life, you are in control? That it's not about the deserving it or being ready, it's about you Lord. Help me to find comfort in you. I am asking for patience and help while I wait. Where is He Lord? When am I going to be with him? What do I need to do, if anything? B/c I am lonely and it's hard being alone. I put on a brave face, but help me to be patient and to be with you.
Amen
God lives in the struggle. It's there we find Him.
Mom
My mom gave me the gift of giving. Yesterday she got me something. I am almost done with my journal and so she got me one from Vistaprint with my name on it!
My friend Jackie, who's with me one on one for Community Group, called yesterday. With work still being new, we haven't had time to talk like we usually do. We talked about her new class and i talked about the craziness of my day. She all of a sudden said, "We are at home. We don' need to talk about work, we need to talk about the other things in out lives. " How true!
My friend Jackie, who's with me one on one for Community Group, called yesterday. With work still being new, we haven't had time to talk like we usually do. We talked about her new class and i talked about the craziness of my day. She all of a sudden said, "We are at home. We don' need to talk about work, we need to talk about the other things in out lives. " How true!
Hippos
One of my girls filled my bucket today. I was at centers, doing my last one with my highest group. We blasted through our worksheet and in the time left, I have out H pictures for them to describe. One girl got a hippo and got to work on trying to write describing words. We only had a couple of minutes so I stapled the picture to the paper and she put it in her cubby. As she got back to her seat, she said, "This has been the funnest center, I just love it!!" So, by me just taking extra time to copy some pictures, it made her day which then made mine!!
God knows what we need, even if we don't even ask.
God knows what we need, even if we don't even ask.
Headaches
For the past 2 days, I have been having a bad headache. I don't get headaches and so I know that something is wrong when I do. I half thought it was stress yesterday and so I ate a good dinner and went to bed after a having a hot bath. After I had my 2ND sweet tea, here comes the headache. It has to be that, especially when today wasn't stressful. On another note, my doctor called b/c I called in a RX refill and haven't been to see her in months. In thinking that she is going to want to see me in her office which would be just fine. Then omes the questions about if I should go down a dose on my medicine. I am already at 75 MG from 100, but I once I get lower, then I could just get off the medicine again. It's just one of those things that I think that I will deal with forever. Even if I were to get off of it, slow is the best way and i have come to realize that I am not going to die with having one. A panic attack I mean. I know what to do and teachniques in order to stop.
Lord,
Help me to know what to do when I go to the doctors. Whether to not to lower my dosage. Amen.
Lord,
Help me to know what to do when I go to the doctors. Whether to not to lower my dosage. Amen.
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