Jesus, oh how that is me. You and control over my life? Oh, how the word control has come up every now and then in my life. I want to have control. I want to be again, in control and then it will be my fault if it goes wrong, it will be my fault if it goes right because I will have done everything that I could possibly done. Control also gives up timing. If I give you control than I have no idea when things will happen. I like to make lists and dos and don't so if I give you my wants and dreams, then how will I know they will come true when I want them to? Man, how that's how I have and a lot of other people have thought and feel. Giving control also means that it hasn't happened not b/c I am not good enough or haven't done something and that's why it hasn't happened. B/c I have had a list. I have gone over the list and have gone over it with God too. (Isn't that a little controlling?) Telling God, when I do this this and this, then you can give me the man of my dreams. But, the real thing is that I have had the man of my dreams. I have had the fairy tale engagement and party and it was not what it cracked up to be. It wasn't what God had for me. He kept trying to tell me that but I was so infatuated with having someone telling me good things about me, that I was willing to not have what God wanted for me. And so, even though it's hard. Even though I pray before going to bed about it, God knows. He knows b/c he has shown me in little and big ways throughout my life that what HE has planned for me is so much better than what I tried to have.